Maid For You 4

Chapter 46

I sat there staring at my phone, and it was like my heart stopped. I desperately wanted to answer, yet here I was in the middle of talking with Calista and Lucille. I didn't know how to explain that I needed to leave so that I could talk with Nikolas, of all people. Besides, my "job"—if it could even be called that—was criminally easy for what I got in return, and it didn't seem right to shirk my duties over a phone call.

But this wasn't just any phone call...this was Nikolas. My Nik, whose father had just passed away, and who was taking the time to call me despite everything going on in his life. It was practically excruciating to feel the phone buzz in my hand and to not answer it while Lucille talked on about something or other.

Is Nikolas doing okay? I wondered. No, he probably isn't. He's under a lot of pressure right now, not to mention that his Dad passed away! No one would be doing very well under those circumstances.

I wished I was with him in Nikoto instead of in Calista's room, or that at very least that I was on the phone with him.

"Do you need to get that?" Calista asked me suddenly, cutting off what Lucille had said.

"Um..." my throat felt dry. "Um, yes, if that's alright."

"Go on ahead." She lazily waved a hand.

I sprang up from the couch and answered the phone, speed-walking out of the room as I did so.

"Hello?" I asked. I shut the door behind me.

"Hello," Nikolas answered.

I leaned against the hallway wall. "How are you doing?" I asked, careful to not use his name in case some passersby overheard. No need to incur Queen Klara's wrath any more than I probably already had.

I heard him sigh over the receiver. "I've certainly been better," he admitted, his voice soft.

"I'm sure," I said.

There was quiet for a moment. "It is strange," Nikolas said. "Sometimes, I feel in denial. It doesn't seem quite real that he's gone. Of course, I know that he is, but I just don't feel it. There are moments of numbness. Other times, I feel overwhelmed with a deep sadness, like I'm hit with the news of his passing all over again. Of course, I knew this was coming. I knew he didn't have long left, but it is still different once he is actually gone. I cannot turn to him when I need his advice. I will not celebrate another Christmas with him nor another birthday. It's just...the future ahead seems so empty. He is not gone for this moment in time, but for the rest of my life."

Once again, I didn't know what to say. "I'm really sorry," I said quietly. "I—I can only imagine."

"It is...very difficult," he said. The line went silent for a moment. "I miss you." His voice was just above a whisper.

I swallowed hard. "I miss you, too. I wish I could do more."

"You're very kind," he said. Then, I heard another voice in the background, and then Nikolas answering in Russian. "I need to go," his voice returned in English.

"Okay," I said. "We'll talk later?"

"Of course," he said.

***

Several days passed by, but Nikolas hadn't called me again. We'd exchanged a few brief text messages where I asked how he was doing, he told me he was getting by, and that he was busy and he'd try to reach out when he could. I told him to not worry about me, yet I still felt anxious and sad when he didn't call, despite knowing that he was busy. You're being selfish, I told myself, yet I couldn't help the way I felt about the whole situation.