Caged In

Chapter 41

It was more of a challenge to rise and dress in the morning. My feet drag but I cannot allow them to sink in or I will be stuck where I stand. Looking around most seem to be much the same as we gather around to say goodbye. Even with the anticipation and aid, we weren't prepared for this; we lost too many.

Scott, Barret, Dominic, and Luca stand near the edge while wolves gather near their fallen loved ones. Last time I was here for this, there was only one. One box covered in complete white cloth, only a few branches of juniper sat on top, Grams said its what he loved to smell when he sat out by the lake widdling away at the pieces of wood in his hands. Now we are surrounded by others. Each box different, a reflection of the life they had. Grams is empty. Her name is etched into her blankets corner, she has had it for a while. Waiting. I have to wipe my eye before the tear gets to fall. There weren't wild flowers to pick, most trees were bare. Everything around us is dead waiting for winter to blanket it as small soft snowflakes fall from time to time. Only my hand touches the top. Nothing was enough to lay ontop and send off with her. The things she's done in my life aren't shown in objects or flowers.

Dominic and Luca shift to stand in front of their pack that's been lost. I don't see many of theirs here amongst ours. Barrett says a few final words to Scott and his mother smoothes her hand up and down his back in comfort. He's known every life. Some from birth some more recently but every life lost to an alpha is taken in personally. It takes him a moment to address us as he takes a stand near the middle at the front. He looks at each one with an apology pressed into the roof of his mouth to show instead through his eyes. My fingers grip the blanket when he stops on me. This one he did know personally. I can't meet his eyes and I look down at the cloth beneath my hand and I have to open my mouth to breath in slowly. His voice isn't as booming as it normally is when he addresses a crowd. This is his first funeral like this. Only one has been preformed by him before this and Barrett took over half way because he faltered too much.

Glancing around Charles isn't anywhere to be found. 

“It has been a great loss for us all with what had happened yesterday. Each of us feels the impact and the weight of this, somne more than others.” Scott starts his eulogy, pausing a moment as he swallows down and clasps his hands together in front of them when they start to tremor. “No words will make up for these lives. The fault rests on my shoulders and it will be something that I will always bare. My responsibility is to you and I failed by not taking better precautions to keep us all safe….”He talks on but part of me can't pay attention and my nails dig into the white cloth. Why did you have to go? Why did she take you? The pain in my chest gets too overwhelming to bare. I can feel Sophia wanting to come to me but I asked her for a moment alone. I don't want anyone near me. The thoughts start to roll into darkness one after the other as the cloth tears when my claws dig through it. They did this. Ran her out of her home and murdered her. Worthless. Cowardly. I can feel the edge of my wolf slipping in, my canines starting to push through before I stiffen when a small, soft floral breeze blows around me, kissing and storking against my cheek. "Grams," I wishper and I can feel it encase me in a tight squeezing embrace as it whispers back to me, "live my sweet little boy." There is no wiping these tears away from my eyes. My cheeks will stain with them for the rest of today and tomorrow. Pressing my hand to my chest when the warmth starts to lift, I’m not ready to let go when a small whimper slips out from me but I am hushed with a small, soothing and calming breath into my ear, blowing my hair from my face before it lifts away and I have to let her go completely. A current of wind blows through us all after her as it lifts up in front of Scott making him have to hold his jacket closed and we all look around dumbfounded by it. 

Gatekeeper.

The boxes are lined in a row to burn while some are taken to be buried with trees to show the life that lived and died to live again in eternity. Grams is buried. Her tree will grow besides the tree already growing where Pops lay. I feel a hand touch my lower back and Sophia comes up beside me, leaning to my side. "Wanna talk?" She asks me but I shake my head. There is nothing more that can be said. Sophia kisses my arm before looking at the other tree. "You never showed me where he was buried." She says looking at it.