Dear Carly,
I had at least 5 anxiety attacks today,
I don't want to remember any of them!
WHAT IS GOING ON! RELAPSE! UGGGHHH!
I would not wish anxiety upon ANYONE.
Not even the people I hate. It's awful....
It feels like,
being trapped and suffocated
as if the building was on fire with no escape,
Sooo...urgent & scary!
I'm the type of person,
That will sit in the school bathroom,
Cry, and walk out like nothing happened...
Or...
I wait for everyone to fall asleep, and then fall apart.
I thought to myself today,
When was the last time I cried?
It's been awhile, that's all I know...
I remember one day, I was sitting on the auditorium step,
And Gracie came to sit next to me,
She could see I wanted to cry. The first thing she said was:
"Baby...cry...It just means you've been strong for too long."
Continuing on...
I haven't cried in a while,
Which implies I am somewhat strong...right?
Tears are just words the heart can't express.
Let me tell you about my AWFUL day...
I go to home room this morning and I was needed in the office,
Which is never good. It was about Aleah.
My teachers and the principal
wanted me to be held in each class for 3 minutes later.
Turns out, Aleah was busted bullying on security cameras,
And they didn't want her terrorizing me.
Every hour, it felt like déjà vu.
I went to Ms.Sumodi at the end of the day,
Just to talk. I went in upset,
She hugged me, and I asked a question.
"She can't hurt me anymore, right?"
Relief struck me in that moment because Ms.Sumodi said,
"She will never lay another finger on you, you're okay."
I had the WORST day...I don't see how tomorrow could be better.
I want to cry. Again. Or sit in a corner.
I did my solo! I feel iffy.
I got off stage and went into the bathroom, I just needed to cry.
Mrs.Habes was proud tho...so I shouldn't feel bad.
"I pray that today only make me stronger than yesterday"
Love,
Me.
