GUN IN MY HAND

CHAPTER 64: NEW JOURNEY

'But I know someday that it'll all turn out

And you'll make me work, so we can work to work it out

And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet'

We already had enough problems to consider because, of course, they had their say in all of this, even if I knew my decision wouldn't change.

So following the fast thuds of my heart, I announced, "We need to talk."

With these four words, the atmosphere switched completely. It hadn't been light to start with, but here, they were weighing on each of our movements from the drop of Spencer's Adam apple to Blade's tightening jaw and to my steps as I advanced towards the round table in the center.

Only then, did I notice they had taken the white sheets off, and I could recognize the white cupboards and dark blue countertops in the long seconds of silence.

Not a 'how are you feeling' or other trite question was spoken as Blade rushed to put away his cigarette, and Spencer did the same with the pancakes, and when they joined me around the table, it was clear what we were here to talk about...

"You sure you don't have fever or any pain?" Blade asked as soon as he was seated, not leaving me time to take a breath – at least, we would say it was the reason my voice was so unsteady.

"No, I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant, sorry."

"I'd rather that than appendicitis..."

Did he really? I lifted my head from my fiddling fingers to search for the sarcasm in his features, or maybe the same shocked stare as when we'd found Meteorite. 'I don't know how to take care of another life.'

But those words were so far from the faint breath of relief he let out and his haunted yet transparent gaze, and I wasn't sure if it calmed my heart or accelerated it.

"And... do you know from whom?"

My head snapped to the other side to catch Spencer's biting his lip, my heart becoming even more unstable. Spencer had always wanted a family and children, but after a beautiful wedding, not in those conditions.

"No, sorry..." I winced again. "I didn't even know I was pregnant until 10 minutes ago, and with four days apart, I don't think we can know. We'll have to wait and see when she or he's born."

My eyes widened, dropping down to my fingers over my belly as I realized what I'd let out. Well, it was in a rushed mutter under my breath, but still, it was out, and now, I just had to inhale deeply.

"Because I'm keeping that baby. I don't know how exactly yet."

I'd warned her or him about that. 'I'm sorry... you won't have an ideal mom. I'm a mess... I don't even know who your dad is.'

"But I'll try to keep her or him once they're born, and anyway, I'll do anything to protect her or him." That was what I'd promised in the silence of the bathroom.

'No one's gonna love you as much as I do.' I hadn't met this little being yet, but she or he was already taking a place in my heart, so much that it had stopped at the thought of losing them. It was surely beyond comprehension, but love was always, and it was for the same reason that my heart was hammering so strongly against my ribcage as my gaze moved from my belly to the Formica table, not moving farther than the metal edge.