'I know you're bored and sick of normal shit
I've seen the looks and heard the fights and how you handle it
Let's get stoned and break some bottles in the parking lot
Maybe talk about the fact that I am every single thing he is not'
'Time healed all wound... Time made us forget.'
It clearly wasn't true for me. It had been three days since that awful day, since my birthday, and the same flashbacks kept replaying clearer and clearer, along with every moment and possible warning signs from Spencer. I also remembered more and more of the inks on Blade's skin, as I used them every night to help me fall asleep.
The old adage appeared even more like a lie when I walked by the familiar pink neon. I remembered everything, and I almost turned back in front of the large glass door.
No, I had to move on. I couldn't keep mourning in my dark bedroom and only get out for school.
Besides, we were Wednesday afternoon, and it meant it was practice time for the whole football team.
Yes, yes, I was pretending to be strong while avoiding carefully Spencer like a coward; that was what I'd been doing for the past days. So after one last glance at the parking lot to make sure there was no mint green car, I grabbed the pink handle with a shaky hand and pulled on the heavy door, as there was no one to open it for me.
As soon as the colorful atmosphere reached me, I was reminded why I'd done everything to avoid Spencer. The rows of teal booths led my gaze directly to the far corner with the only booth smaller than the others, sheltered from the rest of the wide room by a recess in the pale wall, and its emptiness echoed in my chest.
It wasn't any better when I glimpsed the sign above the counter announcing the chocolate milkshakes at 25 cents, and the background noise of low music coming from the jukebox and quiet chatters resonated too loudly as it missed Spencer and I's carefree laughter. Actually, everything from the checkered floor, which had got stained of pink mixture too many times, to the white walls covered in memories of events we'd attended for most – our wide foolish grins were even appearing on some photos – was a painful reminder.
People always talked about the tearing pain of heartbreak. Yet losing a best friend was as painful; it was a duller but deeper ache, and losing both was the worst kind of pain. I not only had memories of two blissful years of love to struggle with, but a lifetime of shared moments.
I realized I was still standing like an empty shell in the entrance when the ding of the door opening rang behind me. I had to move on.
Although I didn't step forward, and I headed to the booth at my right, near the windows where the sun was beating through. The heat would surely be less suffocating than if I went to sit in the opposite corner. My back to it, I was facing the clock more cautiously than Cinderella, and it wasn't because of my grounding. If it was already an insurmountable ordeal to face the memories, it was clear I wasn't ready to meet Spencer, and even less his 'explanations'.
In spite of the indelible torment that came with the flashbacks and all the questions it arose inside, I was terrorized to find out his reasons because nothing would ever be the same after that.
I had already tried, or more exactly, my hopeless, crushed heart had tried finding a plausible 'explanation' for what I had seen, and even ignoring the rumors going around school, which were fueled by my red eyes and snide tattletales, the images of an almost naked Spencer and Diane on each other always led me to the same and only explanation. I wasn't crazy, nor foolish, at least, not to this point.
YOU ARE READING
GUN IN MY HAND
RomanceAs I seemed to regain consciousness, a billion questions rushed through me, and I blinked at the lifeless body like it could give me an answer. When did I choose to pull the trigger? Where did this gun come from? What led me to this place at this ex...