KITTEN

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

At 3am I burst through the threshold of the place that was supposed to be called my home. It was more or less the same as I'd left it, except messier, except for the blood. The blood was everywhere. Blood pooled in large puddles all over the wooden floors but I couldn't really tell where it was coming from. All I could see was her back and golden locks of hair drenched in red.

"Mom?!" I whispered beneath my breath as I carefully drew closer to her side. She didn't move or rather she couldn't.

"Gina, baby", she weakly groaned in a pain filled voice, the sound slowly faded was soaked in tears agony and depression from living a life she didn't wish to be fated for.

Her arms raised in a weak attempt to touch me. Her palms were covered in blood. I took a step back and her hand fell to the ground once more. The dark red liquid trailed down her fair white skin like it was alive.

"Help", she pleaded. I could see the agony in her eyes and yet...

I felt nothing as I watched her fight for the life she didn't want.

"Why should I?" the words weren't meant to leave my mouth but after all, she brought this on herself. I had half a mind to leave her there. Imagined how she'd look as the light extinguished from her eyes till there was nothing left but blank orbs where her soul once danced.

I slapped her hand away, and in the process stained my own with her blood. I fell to the ground in horror and stared at the red liquid with my mind on the verge of breaking I repeated the question, "Why should I ?", again and again my voice growing louder each time till I was screaming at the top of my lungs, "Why should I?, Why should I?, Why should I?, Die Already, Die, Die, Die, Die, Die, Die, Why do you hate me, why do you hate me MOM?"

The door burst open and in its threshold stood Reggie, He looked angry, then he saw me, saw her, then he looked sad. He looked pitiful. I did want his pity. I didn't want him to see me, see her, see us like this.

"Leave", I yelled at him, "I don't want to be your kitten anymore", not true, "You don't have to take care of me, I don't want to be your play thing anymore", don't listen it's not true, "I don't want to be yours", everything I spouted was a lie. But as he walked to me, it seemed like the words flew above his head and he didn't hear any of them.

He wrapped his hands around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. He said nothing. He just held me as I continued to scream, and shout and cry.

I still don't know where the paramedics came from, I didn't call them. I wasn't going to. She wanted to end her life. I wouldn't stop her. Frozen, numb, out of it, I had no emotion whatsoever as we lifelessly followed her into the ambulance.

As the medics rushed to do their work and her breathing shallowed slowly like it was fighting not to stop but I thought, go ahead leave me like you planned to do with razors on wrists, smoke in your lungs and pills clogging your kidneys.

At the hospital once she was out of the emergency room, the doctors told me she was having a drug induced cardiac arrest but in truth my mum's heart stopped beating years ago.