Kalam

Chapter 21

"Aryan, stop clutching that diary so hard, it'll break." That's when he realized he has iron grip on the diary and it is five seconds away from breaking.

"Doesn't matter, it's useless anyway." Ruhanika sighed. This is exactly what he has been doing. Acting like nothing in his life matters anymore.

"I don't know what to tell you to get you out of this slump Aryan. But it is normal. It's just a phase, and it will pass. So stop acting like a pessimistic grump and start thinking positively. You have three songs right? Maybe start with them, music helps you. So forget about writing and start with what gives you peace."

"I don't really know if you're qualified to give me advice on music Ruhanika. It's difficult to make, and that fucking management company is standing on my head, telling me that if I don't give them fifteen songs written by the end of October, then they will nullify the contract. Without a management team, I will have no career. So please, I don't need a lecture from you, just leave me alone." With that he went out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

She said nothing, just stood there frozen. She didn't know who she should feel bad about, herself, because her husband just yelled at her for the first time, or him, who is going through so much.

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It's been around two months since the opening of Swadheenta's office, and she has been trying to manage between being a good boss, a good client and a good daughter. Her father is not well, he had a stroke around a month ago, though he is much better now, Swadheenta as a daughter will always be worried. Add to that her workload and the duties of a wife have gone in the bin. She doesn't even get to talk to Ayaan, she wakes up and leaves before him, comes back and talks to everyone in the family, but gets so tired that she falls asleep the second she enters her room, way before her husband comes back.

This has been annoying Ayaan too much. He loves Swadheenta and is extremely proud of her for working so hard on her business but that doesn't mean she neglects her health and him. He hasn't talked to her for so long that it takes him a second to remember what she sounds like. She even works on Sundays, and everyone else in the family, including him gets busy with planning the anniversary celebration which is in less than a month. He doubts Swadheenta even knows about it.

This is not how things work. So he came back early from office today in hopes of catching Swadheenta awake and talking to her. Swadheenta wasn't here yet so he decided to change his clothes and freshen up, just as he came out of the washroom, he saw Swadheenta enter. She looked tired, and he thought maybe he should just let it go but this needed to be said.

Swadheenta was surprised to see Ayaan, she hadn't for a while but she was glad she did, however she didn't have any energy in her and just wanted to sleep. But her husband had other plans.

"Welcome home Swadheenta. How are you?" His tone wasn't as friendly as his words but she didn't think much of it.

"I am fine. I am sorry but I really want to sleep Ayaan, can we talk later?"

"Sure we can, if you can just let me know when later is." Swadheenta raised an eyebrow not liking where this was going. "It's been more than a month Swadheenta, you don't even have time to talk? I am seeing you today after a month. We live in the same house, sleep in the same fucking bed but I feel like I am meeting a new person."

She did not like the raise in his voice, and she doesn't know what he wants. "I am busy Ayaan. I have a new business to run, it is difficult to make your name in the industry. It takes time and effort. And I am human, at the end of the day, I get tired. So forgive me for running a business." She matched his voice and they were both yelling at each other.

"What the hell does that mean? I am proud of you for all you've achieved and I cannot be happier. You don't get to blame me for this Swara."

"If that is the case then stop just saying it and start showing it. It doesn't seem like you're happy Ayaan. Or we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"I am happy that you have business of your own but I am not happy with the way you neglect everything else, especially me. When I used to be engrossed in my work, you used to drag me away from it so I would give you time, but now that I want the same thing, it's me not being supportive?"

"For God's sake Ayaan, it is not about you. Not everything is about you. I have a lot on my plate right now and I can't give you time. It is difficult to run a business that is new."

"We all run businesses Swadheenta. So don't give me that shit. I have a business of my own too. I still make time for everyone then why can't you?"

"It's a startup Ayaan. It requires extra work. Ask Meera bhabhi or Advitya bhaiya or dadu. They all started their own business. Ask them how difficult it is for a new business. You won't get it, because all you have is a business that someone else built and gave it to you on a silver platter. You didn't have to work for it like I do." She regretted the words the second she said them.

She might as well have slapped him in the face. But this hurt alot more. He lowered his head and left the room. He needs air. Swadheenta didn't stop him, she wanted too. But she couldn't.

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Disappointment filled her as she looked at the sink. Advitya was outside in their room, while Meera stood in the ensuite bathroom and stared at yet another negative test. Advitya and she had the talk about kids two months ago and they still had no luck.

She threw the stick in the trashcan and went out. Their family didn't know about it as she didn't want to disappoint them. But she is disappointing herself now, and her husband. She saw Advitya standing near the window and he turned when he heard her footsteps closer. She shook her head and he understood the meaning. This was not the first time afterall.

This had been their routine for the last two months. They both work in their offices, come back home, take some vitamin supplements,take note of the days she is ovulating, have sex, take a test a couple days later and get the same bloody result. Meera's frustration was clear on her face.

"There are people in this world that get pregnant after just one night. Then why the fuck is it difficult to get pregnant when we're trying so hard?"

Advitya went closer to Meera who was sitting on the edge of the bed and started running his fingers through her hair. She sighed. "Maybe that's the problem. We're trying too much jaan. We have made this a whole ass process and it has taken all the fun out of making a baby. We have a schedule for sex. There is nothing more horrid than that. Maybe it's not supposed to happen like this."

"I am sorry Adi. I am bad at making babies. I can't even give you a child."

"Hey, shush. We met the doctor Meera. Nothing is wrong with either of us. We are both fertile and can have children. So stop blaming yourself over something that's not your fault." Advitya bent down on his knees so he could come eye to eye with his wife. "Listen baby, we can do alot of things. We can look into IVF, or we can adopt or we can just forget about this for a while and start fresh later. But I don't want you stressing over anything."

Meera's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "Yeah. We will try sometime later again. This isn't working anyway. I am sorry, I don't even know why I am crying. I just really wanted to be a mother."

"And you will be. You'll be a great mother and I'll try to be a decent father." He wiped her tears and smiled a little at her. "We will have a child or as many children as you want. I love kids, I raised two idiots, I can raise more." A watery laugh escaped Meera. "Let's just give it time and just enjoy the normal things Meera. We have time. We'll think about kids again later. Hmm?"

Meera nodded and went forward to kiss him. Probably the first kiss in two months that didn't feel like a chore. They weren't leading it to sex because they wanted to get pregnant. They led it forward because they needed each other and because they'll always have each other.

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What did you people think?

See you in the next one.