calamity. (sequel to Mr. Reynolds)

44

Shawn and I had switched a couple hours ago. The sun was setting again. I knew by now Greyson was probably barking orders at anyone who he could find. He's probably hurt, thinking about how stupid I'm being and how I could've come to him. But this isn't about us. This is about me finally cleaning up the shit I started when I was a teenager. Yes, Brian was to blame but I was no better. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I just didn't care at the time. Truthfully, back then I never thought I'd make it out alive so in wasn't worried about the aftermath.

Shawn woke up not long after. He looked at the map and saw where we were. "We have to stop for gas and food soon, if you hear anything you want, let me know." I said. Shawn looked at me. "You seem awfully calm with this situation." He said, grabbing his computer. I shrugged. Anxiety was bubbling in my stomach but I was, in fact, content with the situation. I sighed, glancing at him. "I always knew one day I'd have to be accountable for what happened back then in one way or another. I didn't imagine it would be like this. But I've made peace with my life, all the good and bad I've done. Whatever the outcome is, I've made peace with it." I said, the last part sounding more like I was trying to convince myself. "You don't think you're going to make it out of this alive, do you?" Shawn asked, sounding slightly disturbed. "I don't know if I deserve to. I know How he things. He's an obsessive personality. He'd always told he if he couldn't have me no one could. He doesn't want me there just to see me. He wants me. It's twisted, he wants revenge for me betraying him but he knows that's not enough. And I'll fight my ass off but in the end I know truly it won't be enough. I don't expect you to understand this, I know I wouldn't. The harsh reality is if this keeps everyone I love safe I'm okay with it." I said calmly.

Shawn looked at me bewildered. "You lied to me. You said he wants you- alive. I won't be complacent in your suicide mission, Juliet." He said angry. I sighed. "In some ways he does want me alive. But it's not like we'll just pick up where we left off. I am in love with someone else, I don't want him. And it makes more sense to him to have me 6 feet under than let anyone else have me. I told you, I will put up a fight, I'm not being a martyr. I hope this ends the way you plan. But this is reality and I have prepared myself for all outcomes." He rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. He was silent for a few minutes before speaking again. "I think I'm beginning to understand how your brain works. And frankly your half truths are starting to piss me off, Juliet. You have a way of hinting to things in how you phrase your sentences. You know he won't be alone, we're going blindly into something we shouldn't. Why would you do all of this when you know you're safer with Greyson?" I gripped the steering wheel. "Greyson would never let me do this, he would throw himself on the fucking blade to clean up my mess. He deserves more than that. He's always protecting other people, it's my turn to try to protect him." Shawn sat back in his seat, starring at his computer, going silent again.

We pulled into the parking lot of a diner and got out. Once we were seated and ordered Shawn laced his fingers together and starred at me. "He's looking for us." He said simply. I raised my eyebrows. "Greysons basically torn apart the whole fucking state of Washington." He said lowly. "I get it. You two are exactly alike. You want to protect him at all costs, even if that means dying for him and he'd do the same. You're both too fucking stubborn to realize if you got your head out of your asses and handle things together the two of you wouldn't have to jump in front of grenades." I rolled my eyes at him. He leaned in, eyes locked to mine. "He will find you. Even with my best efforts to hide us. You must either not realize exactly how powerful Greyson is or you think you deserve this. Because if he could take out the entire Italian mafia in a day and still have time to handle your jealous antics in a strip club I think he can manage your little army boy problem." His words were sharp and clipped. I bit my lip, looking away as the lady brought us food.

Shawn's smarter than most people give him credit for. And maybe he's right on this one. I know Greysons men could handle this, no problem. Maybe in a fucked up way I do think this is what I deserve. I deserve the death penalty for everything I put those people through years ago. They were innocents and I did everything just for a rush. I have blamed myself for everything- my birth father dying, my mother abandoning me, my dad picking up all of the pieces of my actions and keeping it from everyone, all of those lives lost, everything. It's all been my fault. I'd don't feel like I deserved redemption or anyone saving me from this- I didn't want it. But Shawn's right. It's not fair to Greyson or my family for me to sentence myself. I can wallow in my own self pity anytime.

We finished eating and Shawn paid, despite me attempting to. When we got to the car I turned to Shawn, sighing. "You're right." He stopped, turning to me. "I don't hear that out of your mouth often." He said and I rolled my eyes. "I was being stupid thinking that was the best way to handle things. I know you won't understand it but I've though I deserved to die for what I did for a long time. Honestly I never thought I'd live through it when it happened. But I realize I can't do that to my family and Greyson, that would just be selfish." Shawn sighed, walking back over to me and hugging me tightly. "I do understand. The things we do in my line of work take a toll. One way or another. You question your sanity, your morals, everything. But at the end of the day you're a good person Juliet, you've done more good than bad in your life. You deserve to live. I mean shit, the universe already decided that when you magically awoke from the dead." I couldn't help but laugh a little. Shawn always knew what to say, in every situation I couldn't go to Grey for he could always talk me through it.

"But you need to strap in your big girl pants. We're meeting Greyson and the boys at the hotel a few towns over." My eyes widened as he hit in the car, starting it. "You told him?" I asked in disbelief. "I didn't tell him until I realized your intentions were to throw yourself in front of the train. I meant it when I said I am just as loyal to you, but I will not let you be a martyr, nor will I stand by and watch it." He said sternly. I sighed, buckling my seat belt. "Better you than me I guess." I mumbled. He laughed. "Oh I already handled my shit. Greyson is many things but he can respect I was willing to risk everything for you. You, on the other hand, you're walking into the lions den Jules. He's not happy. And you have a lot of shit you need to tell him." My stomach twisted in knots at the thought.

I knew above all people Greyson wouldn't judge me, he would understand. He's going to be pissed off and think I'm acting childish. But at the end of the day I know we'll be okay. At least I hope.