Stories in the Saiki K Universe

Judgment Knights of Thunder

It was a dark and stormy night....

I'm not surprised by your cliched opening.

C'mon, Saiki. Stop with the commentary. This is MY story!

Fine. I'm going home.

Yes, you go home and make yourself comfortable. Watch some mindless TV. Savor some coffee jelly. Cuddle up under a comfy blanket... Begone, begone with you!... whilst I regale the audience with the origin story of --

Coffee jelly? Are you buying?

Fine, fine. Yes, I'm buying. Just stop interrupting me, OK? You get the spotlight all the time. Give somebody else a chance!

That's not entirely true, but I'll allow it.

Now where was I?...

I could tell you, but you've banished me to my comfy blanket, remember?

Of course, I remember! Nothing escapes the extrasensory perception of the Jet-Black Wings! This is a story of trials and tribulations and the ultimate triumph of a hero that no one believed in, until one fateful day when he was the only one who could save the world from complete annihilation. It was a dark and stormy night, and the --

OK. I'm leaving now.

Yes, fine! Go!.... well, I mean... that is... unless you want to stay and hear the amazing origin story of the Jet-Black Wings!... without interrupting, of course! I'll buy you some coffee jelly.

You already offered that for me to leave.

So, then... well.... it's DOUBLE now for you to stay and listen to my amazing origin story!

Twice the amount of coffee jelly? You don't have to ask me twice, even though you just did.

Great!... now... it's time for this amazing origin story. It was a dark and stormy night, and the --

(Sigh).

Saiki, you promised you wouldn't interrupt!

I made no such promise.

Yes, you did! You said you'd stay for double coffee jelly, and the deal was that you would stay quiet! Just give me five minutes to tell a story, and then you can comment all you want! Does that sound fair?...

It's perfectly fair -- for triple the amount of coffee jelly.

Triple?! Do you know how much that stuff costs?! It's like $18 for three little cups!

You need to redo the math. I said triple the amount. Two times three is six.

Six?!... C'mon, Saiki, I can't afford that! You're bleeding me dry!... in fact, it's not unlike the time Dark Reunion tried to bleed the Jet-Black Wings dry of every drop of blood in his body. Those nefarious villains had him tied up with wire rope, like the kind they use for suspension bridges. He was sitting alone in the darkness of an abandoned warehouse. All hope was lost, except those dastardly criminals hadn't realized that --

Ahem.

What "ahem?" What's the issue?

I'm going home.

But you said you'd stay and hear my story! What's making you leave!

A little thing called logic. You didn't agree to six coffee jellies, so I'm going home.

WAIT!... wait, ok?... all right, all right. Six coffee jellies.

Six coffee jellies, and I get to interrupt as much as I want.

Fine, fine! Six coffee jellies, and you can comment as much as you want. Can you just listen to the story?!

I suppose. Just get on with it already.

OK. Here goes... It was a dark and stormy night, and the wind was howling. It was like a wolf howling in the distance, howling like a grown man who stubbed his toe on a poorly-placed piece of furniture, howling like a demon from the far reaches of the abyss, howling like --

Stop saying "howling" and get on with it already.

The wind was howling and blowing so hard, that if it blew into your ear, you'd instantly have a really bad earache. It was cold, like a soda that just came out of the refrigerator on a hot summer day. It was dark, like the etchings of a black crayon on a stark white piece of paper. It was lonely, like a poor lost kitten wandering through the streets of a major city. It was creepy, like a horror story that really creeps you out. It was --

I rescind my agreement. Keep the coffee jelly. I'm going home.

Oh, c'mon, Saiki!... I'm just about to get to the best part!

I hope it's the ending.

Nay I tell you, dear listener, it's just the beginning!.. Beware all evil-doers, for on this cold and dark and lonely and creepy night, the Jet-Black Wings made his first appearance. Out of the shadows. Into the light. The Jet-Black Wings. Appears tonight! Beware ye villains! Your reign of terror is at an end. Not in the history of time has anyone witnessed such a powerful and intelligent hero, a man of the people, a man among men, a god among --

I mean it this time. I'm going home.

Yeah, I know, I have to go home, too. My mom wants me there early to finish my homework so we can have a nice family dinner together...

I'm not even there anymore. Who are you talking to?

But tune in next time for the continuation of the amazing origin story of the Jet-Black Wings!

Nothing even happened yet.

Just wait and see next time, when the Jet-Black Wings finally appears, spelling doom for Dark Reunion!... Right Saiki?... Saiki?... Hey, Saiki?... I wonder where he went... Wow. OK.... What a strange occurrence... unlike anything I've ever witnessed... A close friend -- a sworn friend -- suddenly disappears from a ramen shop? I don't know about you, but this sounds like the work of Dark Reunion!... and discovering the cause of this mysterious disappearance sounds like a job for... the Jet-Black Wings!... and his faithful sidekick... Saiki Kusuo, the Boy Wonder!

He's lucky I'm not there anymore. What a pain.