"qamari I don't know how it works for men maybe you guys ask to be married early but you're still too young, way too young. you need to wait"
"I can't wait, mama, they're going to marry her off to someone else" I interrupted
she looks at me tilting her head "wow, you're actually serious. I thought you said you hated Marwa. I knew you didn't"
"you were right" no she wasn't. I still can hardly stand her.
"Alright, I'll see what I can do. I'll take to Marwa" she says forcing a smile and messing up my hair.
***
Hadiya pov
my little Qamar. he was so young and already asking for marriage. I'm not sure how it works for boys but maybe they ask for marriage early. I don't want him ending up in a haram relationship, if he thinks he's ready for marriage then maybe it's for the best.
ya, Allah help me raise this boy. How do I tell Maryam this? I know she considers and trusts Jabil as her own son but what about now when she realizes that he has feelings for her only daughter? I sit on my prayer mat and ask Allah for help to ease every matter if there is any good in it. I make some awwamat to take with me, hopefully, they make the conversation move more smoothly.
at her house, I feel myself stutter from word to word. "mhmm, may Allah bless your hands" she says. Marwa hugs me and smiles more vibrantly welcoming me in and I wonder if Jabil had said anything to her concerning this matter. I'm so stupid how did I not ask him if the girl even wants him? now I'm even more nervous playing with my fingers and looking down. Maryam leaves to the kitchen to prepare some drinks and calls for me. This should be a good chance. I excuse myself from next to her mother in law
"what's wrong?" Maryam asks while closing the kitchen door cautiously and quietly making sure no one hears it close.
"wrong? what's wrong?" I ask nervously. I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. I fiddle with my fingers again.
she grabs my hands "this is what's wrong! why are you so nervous skinny habhab? spill it"
I laugh at the name and I feel grateful that she realized I was nervous.
"ya Allah I don't know how to ask you or tell you this, wallah I'm so embarrassed," I said turning around and looking elsewhere
"well at least tell me what it's about, you're making me nervous. I might jump out the kitchen door at this point. she points to the door in the kitchen that leads to the yard.
"no, don't jump I need you to hear this." I cover my face with my hand. ya Allah, how do women do this? it's so stressful. " Jabil wants to get married"
"so?" she says
"to Marwa," I said quickly not sure if what I said was even a word
"my Marwa?" she said wide-eyed and I nod.
she smiles widely. "are you serious?" I'm not sure if the smile points to good or bad.
"yeah I am"
"Allah Allah, look at these two, I'm going to ask Marwa, it's up to her and her father to decide I'll put in a good word though in the future. Although I think we both know Marwa has had feelings for Jabil for the longest. There's not another woman I trust to raise a man in all of Sanaa except you." I let out a breath. I didn't realize I wasn't breathing.
"And there's not another woman I trust to raise a great woman except a woman like you," I said and she pours the juice and gives me awwamat
"to the love of our kids," she says eating the awwamah "to the love of our kids" I repeat.
we hear something or someone trip in the yard. we look outside and see Marwa running away. Maryam looks at me "look at this girl eavesdropping Allah Allah" Maryam says yelling Marwa's name. Marwa doesn't come back.
"SubhanAllah stubborn just like her mother," I said shaking my head to piss Maryam off. she slaps my back."
after that, I go to some clients for khidab. my back cramps from sitting in the same position for hours but it's better than when I used to be a maid. at least now I don't have to clean toilets or backyards while kids run around making a mess again.
the client tells me her story and how her sister envied her and always stole her things. the stories were my favorite part of this job. I realized that no matter how bad I thought I had it everyone has gone through something bad as well but we all move forward. It's the only way we move. sometimes they would ask me about my husband since I work. I would say he's in war and their response was always may god have mercy on his soul but he wasn't dead. I never said he was dead they were just so quick to assume. people act as if a war can't go on for 14 years but it can. I don't know how to explain it to them it's a feeling that can't be put into words no matter how many words I know. if something had happened to Abbas I would have felt it and I would have broken down but he's alive, maybe injured but alive.
at home, I cook something light for both Jabil and me although he hadn't returned home. he's growing up and sometimes I miss having him around the house more. may Allah ease all his matters. the athan for isha goes off and I lower the heat on the stove and take my prayer mat to the roof and pray below the moon. Then I stare up at the moon and pray to Allah to protect the love of my life who is probably somewhere staring at the same moon. 14 years were long when you wait for someone. too long. I close my eyes breathing in and out slowly. whoever said with time you will forget lied a very big lie. I can't forget him not now and not in a hundred years.
I feel a hand touch my shoulder.
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