"it's because your mom likes to lie. But you know what's fun about dads, you can always get a new one"
I gripped the edge of the stair rails until my knuckles turned white. what the hell is she talking about. Abbas isn't dead there's no way he can leave. he can't! he can't leave me! "what are you talking about?" I said running down the stairs
"stop growling like an animal. I'm just saying the obvious, you really think he's still alive i-"
"yes, I don't think I know he is" I cut her off grabbing Jabil and he clings to the side of my leg confused and scared.
"of course you do, there's no brain in that dumb head of yours" she snaps back
I push Jabil towards the kitchen. "go eat your food" he shakes his head gripping me tighter. "GO EAT! right now" he lets go and runs to the kitchen. great now I'm the one hurting him. I dig my nails into my fist unconsciously
"Why are you talking to a little kid like that?" I yell at her.
"don't be so stupid, it's time you move on and find another husband. he isn't coming back. snap out of it," she says poking the side of my head with her finger. "if you had the tiniest brain you would have realized that by now. you've been here for 3 years being nothing more than a repulsive parasite. you think that disgusting face of yours is the first thing I want to see for the rest of my years. I'm going to find you a new husband and you're going to leave me and your uncle alone."
"no I won't, I'll leave but I'm not getting married," I say
she grips the collar of my robe and with her free hand, she attempts to smack me across the face. I grab her arm and watch a disgruntled and angry expression form on her face. "how dare you!" she says and spits on the side of my face. she takes the plate on the table in front of her and hits me across the back with it. I hold the plate and pull it out of her grip. "I'm not getting married !" I say hardly containing the trembling in my voice.
"Who are you talking to like that? huh answer me" she says aggressively grabbing my jaw. Her hand felt huge I could hardly move my mouth beneath it. Her nails slowly dug into my skin. I didn't say another word and she left.
that evening I looked at myself in the mirror and I felt so humiliated. I feel like a bug that's constantly being stepped on. a bug that's too afraid of stepping out into the light and instead hides in the corners of another person's house. I knew that soon my uncle will come and she would convince him. I have no one who can help me, no one I can reach out to. "where are you, Abbas? I need you!" I know he's out there somewhere, I don't care what others say my heart would have felt his disappearance but he's here I'm sure of it.
Jabil comes up to me while I wash the dishes but I wasn't only washing the dishes I was already scheming my way out. I wasn't staying here any longer, I won't let them control me like they controlled my mother. I won't let them force me into a marriage. I could never do that to Abbas I could never be with another man.
"mama" my thoughts fade away and I notice Jabil was talking to me
"yes, my little Qamar?" (Qamar = moon)
"mama aunt said we can get another baba. let's do it, mama, Marwa has a cool baba I want one too."
"We can't get another baba. there's no baba as cool, nice, and funny as your baba?"
"is he strong too?"
"oh yes! only the strongest. we can't find a baba like him if we looked in the whole world"
"wow not even in the souk?"
"yup not even in the souk!"
"Okay, mama! I never want another baba ever. I'm going to wait for baba but I hope you are telling the truth!" I smile at this cute remark. no matter what my aunt whispers into his head I'll never let her turn this son against his father.
"you know baba has hair exactly like yours and your eyes are a mix of mine and his"
a smile lights his chubby cheeks and he tilts his head putting both palms over his hair, grinning widely and brushing it while blushing. I pinch his cute cheek and he leaves with his hands still on his head appraising his hair. he really is my little Qamar and his father is my big Qamar.
I serve my uncle the food and try to head downstairs before my aunt reaches him. she comes down the stairs with a broom in her arm pretending to be in agony from cleaning. my uncle looks at me dissatisfied as if I leave her to do all the work by herself. she passes me and says "dear have you thought about what I told you?" I roll my eyes at her acting.
"I have and my mind hasn't changed"
"Why are you treating me like this I simply want what's good for you," she says sitting down beside my uncle. "I don't want people to disgrace her and Jabil needs a father figure. she won't admit that her husband may never come back."
"because you don't know that aunt, only Allah knows whether he will live or not"
my uncle remains quiet finishing his last bite and washing his hands as she continues.
"How can you be so selfish? think about your son don't you love him at all. think about your uncle who works night and day just to provide for you. arent you afraid that you will disgrace him?"
I can't believe she would mention something like that. I hardly eat anything in this house and Jabil's food is similar to her leftover amount.
"she doesn't have to marry anyone new she can remain here for as long as she wants. this house is hers as much as it is ours."
a breath of relief flooded through me. I didn't expect my uncle to support me. alhamdilhua I whisper to myself.
"Habibi, I'm just looking out for her. she doesn't know what's best for her," my aunt says staring at him with puppy eyes.
"marrying another man forcefully isn't what's best for her either. I won't argue about this anymore. this conversation ends here.
"okay Habibi whatever you see fit," she says storming upstairs.
"shukran," I tell him
"don't thank me, you know before your father was taken,-" he looks around the house as if he could picture my father in it
"he built this house with me. I was going to get other workers to help but he refused. he told me he wanted me to remember him every time I walked into this house. he wouldn't sleep much and would wake up extra early to continue building it" he doesn't speak anymore and gets lost in the memory. When everyone said my father died my uncle refused to believe it, he looked for my father everywhere. for 10 years he wouldn't stop looking, he wanted proof that his brother was actually dead he couldn't believe it even until now he doesn't speak of him as if he's dead but rather lost somewhere.
YOU ARE READING
A silent cry
Historical Fiction"and after all this time of waiting the devil would reach out to me and whisper, he's dead and you are here, how much longer will you wait, how much longer would you deny the truth, at some point, I was afraid that he would unlock my ribcage and sen...
