The Tour. | +18 | BWWM

𝄞 27 | After it Falls Apart

"When?" I attempted not to make it sound like an accusation but that was the first word on my lips. Asher flinches on top of me as if when was weaponized against him despite my effort for it not to sound that way. But I wanted to know when it started, I had to know. The spicy scent of our sex-saturated the air. Blinking the haze of sleep away through all the tiredness that still remains inside of me was a battle.

My fingers lazily comb through Asher's thick locks. Asher's head on my chest and my nails scratch through his scalp slowly calming us both down. Sleepiness pulls at me again but his words "I'm a sex addict," ring in my mind. Tonight was too many emotions and way too much stress. Fuck, even after cumming my brains out, my body was nothing more than a limp noodle.

Asher's massive body crushes me into the bed with his weight. His breathing was harsh with fast inhalations that were out of control. Asher's hardness against my thigh was a complete contrast to his emotional state. Did he stay hard when I fell asleep? My gaze is drawn to the floor-to-ceiling window. The city night stretched out so long that not even a hit of the coming day is in the sky. Houses below us in L.A. are nothing but tiny blinking lights that appear like the stars I love.

The bubble burst... The bubble didn't just burst, it got blown the fuck up with a bomb. I couldn't even ... Yeah, I came a lot. It was a massive amount of sex but the wrongness of it stuck. It stuck so much that it made me fucking uncomfortable. I knew he needed it but... He's a sex addict. Asher just dumped that on me all at once. His arms lock around me, caging me again. As if I'm that Birdy he calls me and I'm going to fly away at any second.

Well, Sabali aren't you? This is pretty fucked up. You fucked a guy for hours who would have stopped if you wanted but was completely unconnected in the sex. Which basically broke your heart. Hell, you're still crying. Shocked... my other hand on Asher's back lifted to my cheeks feeling the wetness there. I guess my brain knew I was crying and the rest of me didn't. My self admonishments circle my mind like carrion birds. Every doubt and red flag moment flitters past me in my mind. If Tucker and Paulie controlled his brother Dustin through drugs, how did they control Asher...?

...sex...

So, what we did wasn't right? Was I enabling... I don't even know what to do. It's too big. Addiction is a big thing. It was too many thoughts and falling asleep with all those thoughts made it worse somehow.

I wiggle a little for a more comfortable position under his enormous frame. But the burn coming from my center was a bit much. My whole body felt exhausted. Plus, for kiss mark bruising to show up on dark skin like mine, you got to put in the effort. Every time Asher moved it exposed more of my sweat-soaked body. And my eyes were drawn to the purplish marks retelling the night's exploits all over my flesh. The contrast between his ink and my marks was stark in the hint of the city light. Come morning it was going to look worse.

When I woke up all I wanted to know was when but mentally the coward in me is avoiding the answers I need to know. Because not knowing them would mean I don't have to make the hard choice like possibly ending things.

"Asher...Oorun," his head pops up at the Yoruba word. My grandmother only gave me bits and pieces of language. She got those pieces from her great-great-grandparents. The words surviving a stolen sea voyage and the slave trade. But I lavished the precious words on Asher. Maybe a part of him knew he was the star I think of him as. The sun I see and the nebula I call him. "I need to know when it started." I had to know, I needed to understand what the fuck was going on. "No, more secrets," without saying the rest of it out loud before one of us gets hurt. If Asher only knew how much power he had to hurt me.