Favorite Crime

Chapter 12

Annalise piv

It's been a week now and Lee is back to playing baseball. His 'break" is over and I'm alone. I still haven't been able to meet friends here. I mean I have, but I don't really like them. No offense. It's just me and this apartment... all alone. Well not actually. I've been reading all week so i'm talking with my book boyfriends, been yelling at the top of my lungs to music; Brent's new album is literally amazing; and surprisingly I've been cleaning. I've re-organized every single drawer. Every. Single. Drawer. All color coordinated and folded a certain way. I've been bored and well bored. With Lee gone most of the time, me in school it's simple but not. We have about one class together and that's all, but besides that we rarely see each other.

It's about 1 p.m and I made some Dino nuggets and watched shameless. It's now about three-ish and I start heading to our bedroom. I have no idea what I'm going to do in there, but best believe I'm going to clean something. Opening the blinds, I fold every blanket and place it in a drawer. I head to the bathroom to start my cleaning journey there. In our giant vanity, half of it is mine and the other half is Oaklee's. Well most of it is mine since he did say that I own more things than him so yea. I open the first two drawers and its my makeup, the other three is skin care and the last two are body creams, washes, scrubs etc... I organize the first by the color of foundation. They're all the same but somehow, there is a slight difference especially in natural light. After I've done my first cabinet by color and name, I start with the skin care cabinets. I start by the first steps of the skin care, then I do the moisturizers, cleansures, and sunscreen. The second cabinet is all face masks, lip masks, eye masks, pore strips, and any other patch. I did those by color and by size and obviously by group. The last is chapsticks and vaseline. Surprisingly we have a lot of that. Last but not least, I organized all the body creams by height and color of bottle. I need help.

5:30 P.m

After I've finished organizing the bathroom, I'm cleaning the kitchen even though it's already cleaned. I honestly have no idea why I'm doing this. I mean when you spend so much time with someone then suddenly it stops, you notice how much spare time you have. It feels so tiring being here...all alone. All I do now is sleep, clean, eat, and sleep. Pathetic, I know. I miss him, I really do. It's incredibly boring just being here sitting, waiting for him to walk through that door at three in the morning. School takes up more time. Those two classes we have are nothing compared to the time like we used to have back home. This is our home now. And I have to learn to deal with it.

I've decided to take a nap because why not it's all I do now. The constant cycle of doing the same things over and over again is exhausting. Sitting by the couch, overlooking the city, thinking and just thinking. The time we spend with people is sacred. Time is sacred. If you don't spend enough time with that one person, guilt and regret will be your biggest feelings. Regretting not spending time with them, being guilty because of that. I'm trying my best and I truly are, but my mind is all fuzzy. Just clouds. I can't see through them. I can't think straight. My mind is just blank. For the first time, me, Annalise Sofia Hernandez, the girl who's always thinking can't think. I don't know what to think of. It's all just said. It's been thought of already. When we think, we tend to overthink every single situation. We make up things... certain versions of things. We change situations to the way we want them to be. Our mind is powerful. As much as we try to believe something we think happened, it didn't. We try to believe something that isn't true. We try to think and feel a certain way because of what we 'remember'. Having to make yourself think that way hurts. Finally breaking that cycle of constant pain, confusion, hurt, sorrow, sadness, and anxiety is refreshing. It's like a breath of fresh air, the first sip of water you take after a five mile run. Refreshing. Cycles are comfortable. It's what we know and what we like, but sometimes getting out of our comfort zone is good. It's good to break it once in a while. Go out. Go do what you want to do. We only live once, so go live it. Fuck it. 

-------------

short chapter :)