The one with the youngest Geller

1.14

The One With the Candy Hearts
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"You can not do this."Monica yelled at Pheobe

"Do what? Do what?"Rachel asked walking over after serving someone a coffee.

"Rodger wants to take her out tomorrow night."I told her

"No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?"Rachel asked

"ʻCause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!" Pheobe yelled

"But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do."I reminded

"Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?" Rachel asked the guys

"Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes."Joey said

"Oh, uh, listen, about tonight..."Chandler started

"No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend."Joey yelled

"Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a-"

"Pathetic mess? I know, but—come on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this."He said

"She said yes."Ross said excidetly as he walked over from asking a girl out.

ʻYes! Way to go, man!"Chandler yelled before hugging Ross.. Something in Rossʻs pocket cracked.

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ʻOk, ok, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney."Pheobe said

"Which one was Pete Carney" Monica asked

"Pete the Weeper? Remember that guy who used to cry every time we had sex.'Was it good for you?"' She imitated him.

"Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over Howard-the-"I-win"-guy "I win! I win!" I went out with the guy for two months—I didn't get to win once."I said

" How did we end up with these jerks? We're good people!"Rach complained

" I don't know. Maybe we're some kinda magnets I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.

"There's more beer, right?"Monica asked

"Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual."Pheobe said

"Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald."I reminded

"Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect."

"Ok, well, what kind of ritual?"I asked

"Ok. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us."

"Or?"Rach asked

"Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks."Pheobe suggested

"Burning's good."I said

"Yeah, I got stuff to burn.ʻRachel said
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The next morning I walked out of the appartment to grt the mail.

Chandler was kissing a girl in the hallway.

I felt uneasy.

The girl turned around.

"Oh...My....God" She said happily

"Hey...Janice" I said annoyed

"Ok, well, this was very special." Chandler said trying to shoo her away

I stood there trying not to laugh.

"Janice is gonna go away now."Chandler said

I nodded totally believeing him beforewalking back into my appartment.
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"Ok, so now we need, um sage branches and the sacramental wine."Pheobe said as we stood around the bonfire

"All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca."Monica said

"Um, that's ok!" Pheobe said as Monica threw them into the fire. ʻOk. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man."

"Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place." Rach reminded

"Can we just start throwing things in?"I asked

"Ok, yeah, ok."Pheobe said before throwing the instructions in.

"Okay, Barry's letters, Adams boxers"Rachel threw them in

"Ok, and I have the, uh receipt for my dinner with Nokululu Oon Ah Ah."Pheobe said throwing it in

"Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked." Monica said

"Is he not wearing a sweater"I asked

"No."

"Hereʻs the wine Matthew and I were having when i found out he chested on me"I fake smiled pouring it in.

"Hey, Y/n, isn't that stuff almost pure..."

The small fire burts into bigger flames.
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"What do we got there?"The first fireman asked

"A piece of something: boxer shorts, greeting cards, and what looks like a half-charred picture—Wow, that guy's hairier than the Chief!"The other fireman said looking at items mixed into the the ashes.

"You know, it's a really funny story how this happened.ʻMonica told them

"It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control."The taller fireman said

"You're our third call tonight."

"Really? I asked

"Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year."

"You know, we get off around midnight, why don't we pick you up then?" One of them asked flirtatiously

"So, um, will you bring the truck?"Rachel asked

"I'll even let you ring the bell."He smirked

"Oh, my god."Rachel said excitedly as they walked away.

"See, there you go, the cleansing works!"Pheobe yelled