Letting go of self-restraint 5 - Great happiness in a small package

Chapter 32

Jiang Yanli was standing side by side with her husband, watching the frantic preparation for Jin Ling's birthday party. The Koi Tower was in an uproar for a week already and she could hardly believe they were going to such great lengths for a simple celebration of someone becoming two years old. True, she should have probably already been used to seeing public exhibitions of wealth of the Lanling Jin sect and the love the leader and his wife had for their grandchild, but it was somewhat overwhelming nevertheless.

And as if it was not enough, she was constantly worried for her brother: "I am not sure A-Xian will be able to come after all. When we were leaving the Cloud Recesses, he seemed to have been doing a lot better. His worries for A-Yuan's safety greatly subsided and he had even agreed to go to the Caiyi town the last day of our visit... However, I still cannot shake the fear that he would be too overwhelmed by the idea of travelling so far for the party.

A-Ling would be devastated if that turned out to be the case. He has not stopped talking about A-Yuan ever since we have come back and he is so excited to be able to meet his friend again. I believe that A-Yuan is in a no different state of mind. It is just that I do not want to see A-Xian panicking like he had been in the beginning.

While I also care about A-Ling's safety and happiness, A-Xian's overprotectiveness and fears must come from some deep-rooted trauma. I had not asked him during out visit, I did not want to put him under any kind of pressure. It was not my place to be nosy, I could see that he was making tremendous progress in just a week, I am almost sure that he is alright. Almost; there is however still a small spark of uncertainty and worry in my heart. What is A-Xian regressed after we have left? Or what if something had happened that made him shut himself in the Jingshi again?"

Jin Zixuan must have guessed her thoughts because he interrupted them effectively by hugging her around her waist and pulling her closer for a chaste kiss. "A-Li, is something the matter?" he asked after their lips separated.

There was concern written all over his face and Jiang Yanli could not help herself but to smile at him as she reassured: "I am fine, A-Xuan, I am just worrying if A-Xian will be able to make it for the celebration."

Her husband was apparently not sharing her thoughts as he asked, somewhat bewildered: "Why would he not? You invited him, have you not? As I know him, he would do anything to come."

"Would he now? I am not so sure," Jiang Yanli was not convinced. "A-Xuan only saw A-Xian the first and the last day of our visit to the Cloud Recesses, he had been working the rest of the time. It is understandable that he would not notice how nervous and panicked A-Xian had been when it came to A-Yuan. Every single time we agreed to take A-Yuan with us and that he was to stay away for even a moment, there were so many emotions on his face... Every single time, I thought he would object.

Even when we were saying our goodbyes in the Caiyi town, he was still looking all around for any danger. And we are now not talking about a trip to the town closest to the Cloud Recesses from which he could reach home in less than a quarter of an hour. I invited him to the Koi Tower, a place which is almost a whole day trip away from the safety of the Jingshi. I still worry if it was a good decision on my side.

On the other hand, I really do not want him to miss on such occasions. He is trying so hard to be the best parent and I want to help him with all my might. I only hope he will be able to relax at least for a bit and enjoy our families' gathering as he would have in the past. It would be good for him to expand his and A-Yuan's boundaries. After all, he had been the one to beg us for help in the same way as he had done once in the past in order to get over his fear of dogs."

Still not completely convinced, Jiang Yanli shook her head and looked up at her husband: "A-Xuan, we need to do everything we can so if A-Xian and Lan Wangji come, we will be able to provide them with all the comfort and security they could need. My brother will for sure not be able to be entirely well at ease but I still want to help him as much as we possibly can."

Jin Zixuan leaned down a little and kissed her softly again. "A-Li, I know you worry about him, but please try to think also about yourself. You are stressing yourself out and it is no good for your health. Wei Wuxian has Lan Wangji to take care of him now. And do not be mistaken, even I have seen what a tremendous progress he has been making thanks to you. You have told me many times that you are proud of how strong he is. Will you not believe in him also in this?"

Jiang Yanli smiled and cupped Jin Zixuan's cheek in her palm. She was well aware of the fact that her husband and her brothers were not getting along ideally. Although the animosity between them subsided considerably after she had assured them that she was happy with her marriage and would not change a thing, they were still not exactly on speaking terms, more like silently ignoring each other and not causing any trouble.

"You are right, A-Xuan," Jiang Yanli agreed with her husband's words, "A-Xian is strong, with time, he will be able to get over this as well. I just need to believe in him and prepare for his arrival. He had missed all the celebrations until now so let us make this a memorable one for him." She smiled even wider as Jin Zixuan put his hand on top of hers and looked at her with softness in his eyes.

"And for A-Ling as well," she added when she saw a nanny approaching with her now awake son. "After all, he will have his cousin here with him and it will be an occasion for celebration on its own. This will be the fun for everyone."

"Of course it will," Jin Zixuan nodded determinedly.

Then, just as Jiang Yanli was taking her sonfrom the nanny, her husband excused himself. He headed towards the direction ofservants preparing the party. Jiang Yanli smiled indulgingly as she guessed hewas about to check how the preparation were proceeding and if they were puttinga sufficient number of golden decorations in all the right places. This wouldtruly be a great time for everyone, she was looking forward to next week verymuch.