summer child | ashton irwin

Twelve

Twelve

May 16, 2022

12:03pm

Los Angeles, California

Sage

"What else do we need?" Ashton questioned as he put on his sunglasses and a hat before we got out of the car.

"Not much,"

"No, we need a lot," he said, then unbuckled and got out of the car. I followed his lead, shoving a mask in my pocket because of the covid guidelines.

"Clothes, toiletries, entertainment, I need to put you on my phone plan," he listed off, but the last one caught me off guard.

"On your phone plan?"

"Yeah, it's pretty simple. I'll just get you a new phone and then we can transfer the contacts, photos, apps-"

"You don't need to do that, it's a lot of money,"

"It's really not, but that also not important. What's important is us getting you out of a dangerous situation, and if this is what it takes then so be it,"

"It's not a dangerous situation," I mumbled, making him stop in his tracks and look at me. I quickly looked down to avoid the stare he was giving me. I couldn't tell if it was frustration, anger, or sympathy, but I didn't want to find out.

"Your dad is abusive and your mother is neglectful, that's dangerous," he argued. "You're not going back there, that's final," he snapped, making me hunch my shoulders up to cower away. I guess he noticed the behavior because he quickly began to apologize. "I'm sorry, I'm not mad at you, I'm frustrated with your parents for making you think this is ok. It's not your fault and I shouldn't have raised my voice, I'm sorry,"

"It's ok," I replied, finally looking up at him. His face was full of concern and regret for his actions.

"No, it wasn't. I shouldn't do that," he continued to apologize.

"It's ok, Ash, really,"

"I'll control my frustration next time-"

"I'm used to worse, Ashton," I cut him off. "It's ok, seriously," That comment ended the conversation, but the two of us looked at each other for a moment. Between his regretting raising his voice and me admitting that situations I've been in have been worse, neither of us knew what to say. Somehow we both knew the conversation was over, though both of us wanted to say more.

"So, any stores you like?" he broke the ice as we continued to walk. "And you're not getting out of this,"

"I chuckled, "I don't really shop," I admitted.

"Then I guess we have a lot of browsing to do,"

"You lead the way, I don't know anything about this mall," I told him. We ended up in a couple of teen stores. Though I was grabbing a couple of things, Ashton was grabbing loads of clothes that he liked. He definitely had a lot more ideas than I had, but the worst part came for trying them on.

"Show me your favorites," he told me, "I want to see my outfit choices,"

"Alright," I lightly giggled, trying to hide the fear in my voice. I went into the dressing room and looked through Ashton's pick. Though I tried to find a long sleeve top, there were none. So I opted for mine and showed the two outfits I picked, then went back. I debated about just telling him the sizes were right and to buy them, but I also knew he would argue to try them on.

With fear, I put on the orange tank top with the floral printed pants. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I could see the bruises and cuts going up my arms, the reason I stuck to long sleeves. Right there I wanted to just have a breakdown of how I looked, how I was treated. There was no reason to though, I couldn't change that. I couldn't change the fact that my father hit me to get his anger out. I couldn't change the fact that he never loved me. I couldn't change a thing.

After putting on the green and orange checkered bucket hat, I exited the dressing room. Ashton looked up from his phone, smiling at the outfit, but then the smile faded when he looked closer. I didn't hold a smile, but bit my lip before quietly speaking up, "Don't say anything,"

"I like the outfit," he respected my wishes, "I think it's cute," I just nodded and looked down. "If you're not comfortable with it, we don't have to get it,"

"I like it, it's just-" I started.

"Who gives a shit about those?" he whispered, making me glance up at him. "Those don't determine anything about who you are as a person, that is another person's fault. If you want to show them, go for it, and if you don't then you don't have to. But with time, all of those will heal,"

I nodded and turned and looked in the mirror, observing the outfit instead of myself for the first time. I took a breath and nodded, "I like it,"