The Redemption Arc (A BBC's Merlin Fanfiction)

Chapter 24

Merlin wondered if he should have said something to Arthur or Gwen before he left, but they were obviously too busy. They weren't just his friends anymore. 

And to be fair, he wasn't the same anymore, either. 

He walked faster, trying to keep warm without ruining his hair. He decided against calling out, so he probably just looked like a fool with a mission. Turning back towards the castle, he saw a woman clad in a cloak, and yelled, "Morga-" when one hand clamped down on his mouth, and another grabbed his wrist. 

"What are you doing?" Morgana hissed in his ear. 

Merlin swung around to face her, grinning. Morgana was taken aback momentarily, and the hand on his face fell back to her side. She had been so convinced everyone in that castle hated her while in the hall that it felt nice to see someone so happy to see her. 

Merlin saw her pale face, and his grin softened into worry. He held her hand which had clasped his wrist, and led her away from the castle, walking slowly. 

"You left," he said, worry laced in his voice. 

"I know," Morgana admitted. "It's all very stupid. I mean, this is all great. This is all I wanted, but now that I'm here, I wish for so much more." 

"More?"

"Just...it's stupid." 

"I'll bet it's not," Merlin raised an eyebrow expectantly. 

Morgana sighed. "Just... I wish I was in a better place to see this all happening. That everyone didn't hate me or fear me. I know it's not fair, that I got to make all my own choices. But I cannot help but wish." 

"Morgana..." Merlin's voice trailed off. What could he say? That it was all in her head, and that people didn't actually hate or fear her? Heck, people were even afraid of him right now. The number of familiar faces that had actively steered clear of him after the ceremony had not gone missed by Merlin. 

"I know this is hard, but I really do believe that it will not always be this way. Change is difficult, but it can be for the better. This is only the beginning," he smiled. 

"You truly believe that?"

"Truly." 

Morgana sighed, then looked up at the evening sky. There were so many stars, so much light amidst the dark, so much light that was surrounding her, that she couldn't help but be hopeful. 

"Alright," she said. "I'll believe you." She turned to him. "How come you're out here?"

"I told you I'd find you." 

"Oh, right." Morgana's heart slowed with anticipation. "You think you know what's causing the connection?" 

Merlin's face immediately darkened. He knew he couldn't put it off any longer. "Yes," he admitted. 

Morgana waited. 

"Do you remember the day Morgause stormed the castle with the Knights of Medhir?" he asked. 

The day you tried to kill me, Morgana thought. It was apparent Merlin was thinking of the same thing. Up until this moment Morgana thought it was the day it all ended, but now she knew she had been wrong. It was the day everything began. 

She nodded slowly, unable to speak. She had forgiven him in her mind, she thought she was at peace with it, but her eyes still burned from unshed tears. 

"I--Oh, Morgana," Merlin stepped closer, taking her hand. "I don't think I can tell you this," he whispered. "I can't go back to that day." 

He was so close to her. She could see his blue eyes glittering. Tears? How strange to think he was suffering as much as she was.