The Redemption Arc (A BBC's Merlin Fanfiction)

Chapter 11

"I need you to remember, Morgana," Merlin smiled. "Remember how much you mean to so many people around you. Remember the love that you garnered from their hearts, and the pain that you felt when you felt betrayed." Morgana was biting down on her lip, unable to trust herself to speak.

"That pain is the same volume as the love you feel for the same people," Merlin concluded.

Morgana looked him in the eye. "Then why is it, Merlin," she asked, "that what hurt me most was you turning your back on me?"

Merlin's heart stopped for a dangerous second and he hesitated. "Because," he explained slowly, "you could see even back then how alike we were. You and I, we're the same, Morgana. You could see that there was a connection, something you could not quite place your finger on."

He smiled, and Morgana looked away. Merlin felt a painful tug at his heart. Morgana looked back to meet his eyes. "Don't do this to me... Emrys. Don't pretend to be my friend again."

Merlin realized, with a jolt of surprise, that he did not, in fact, want to be friends with the girl whom he had gathered in his arms at the moment. But he could not act on any feelings, irrational as they were. Right now what Morgana needed was support, and whether she knew it or not, a friend. 

"Morgana, I'm sorry. I truly am." He slowly rested her head onto the hard floor, and let go of her wrist. He rose, and despite knowing that she should be relieved that a crushing weight was off of her now, Morgana felt rather cold. 

Merlin looked at her. "Does anybody else come in here other than for me?"

Morgana nodded. "They send in here at the break of dawn every day an old woman, to bathe me and help me dress. Four meals a day are left at the mouth of the cave, who by I do not know, but I do not care." 

Merlin suspected she did care, and was even rather hurt by her animal-like treatment. He felt the weight of her cuff of her chains, still in his hand, and could not bring himself to bind her. He had hoped that his question would bring back a sense of normalcy so that she wouldn't do anything dangerous after he left, but now he realized how foolish that was. What was normal about what Morgana was going through day after day?

"You might as well, Emrys," Morgana said in a cold tone, walking backwards to the corner of the cave where she was usually held, holding out her wrists. Merlin walked forward silently, knowing he could not yet release her, hoping she could not see the pain he felt in his heart on his face. He made the mistake of looking her in the eyes, and mesmerized, he stepped on the hem of her skirts flowing in front of her as she walked backwards. 

Morgana breathed in sharply, and lost footing. Merlin leaned forward and clutching her arm, he pulled her forward. She was flung towards him, and he held her by the waist and one foot stepped back so he could regain footing for both of them. Morgana looked up at him angrily, and Merlin thought again of Morgana walking backwards in her long, flowy dress, with her long, dark curls bobbing, the very same curls that now framed her face as she stared at him, and he did the one thing that was easily what he regretted most that day. 

He blushed. 

Morgana tilted her head in confusion, and stared at him, misunderstanding his blush as embarrassment for having tripped over her. "Surely you've done things far more embarrassing than this, Emrys? Why, it was only the other day you nearly lost your job to a plotting fool when you lost the palace horses."

That was perhaps within the first month after he came into Arthur's service. Morgana remembered. 

He felt a great weight in his heart, and his hands felt so heavy he felt he could not bear to move them, but they moved anyway, and he clasped the chains onto Morgana's wrists. Her face that was radiant just a moment ago fell, and a grim understanding schooled her features.