Just that Sinner

39

Meagan and Amethyst both enjoy the weather as the seasons slowly from summer change to fall. They sit outside on the porch swing, drinking hot tea and watching the leaves slowly fall onto the ground.
"This is nice," Meagan says, laying her head on Amethyst's shoulder.
"It is, isn't it." Amethyst replies.
Meagan hasn't heard from her mom since her daughter's funeral and wonders what happened to her. She tries not to care too much, it's not like her mother cared a lot about her. They also haven't visited River's gravesite but they decide to make the drive over there today.
The drive is quiet but peaceful, they arrive at the cemetery and the energy is peaceful but heavily sad.
They got their daughter a beautiful headstone with her name written on it in cursive, the moment Meagan sees it in the distance she runs. She runs to her baby, "My baby, my poor baby girl." She cries as she falls to the ground in tears.  Amethyst walks up behind her and kneels beside her, they don't speak to each other, just cry to the body under the ground.
"I miss you, I miss you so much." Amethyst cries.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you." Meagan cries. The leaves fall and drift to the ground, just like the tears falling from the girls' eyes. Deciding they can't handle it anymore, they help each other stand up and walk away. That was the first time Meagan allowed herself to truly feel the pain of losing her baby. She knew it was going to be hard but she didn't expect it to be that hard. "I just want to go back home." She cries as she walks back to the car.
"Alright love, let's go home," Amethyst tells her and opens the car door for her. They drive home, and Meagan goes to River's bedroom.
She curls up on the floor and Amethyst joins her, they don't say anything, they don't need to. Words can't describe what they are feeling right now, they are still in denial but also know too much. "I want her back." Meagan cries.
"I know, I do too my love." Amethyst replies.
"I want to go see her and hold her," Meagan begs.
"Not yet my love, not yet," Amethyst says in response.
"Why not? Why do I have to stay here if all I'm given is suffering?" She asks.
"I need you," Amethyst tells her.
"Isn't that selfish?" Meagan asks her.
"Yes, maybe? I don't know. If it is, I don't care, I need you and like I've said before, I can't lose you again." Amethyst replies.
"You'll be okay, you can move on and finally be happy," Meagan says with a hint of sass.
"I could never be okay without you. I already know what it was like to be without you and I can't do it again." Amethyst says with complete honesty.
"I thought therapy was supposed to fix this." Meagan whispers.
"It can't fix it but it can give tools to help you cope," Amethyst says trying to believe it herself. Neither of them can make themselves believe things will be okay. Their days are spent crying on the floor, or in bed, or in the shower, it's unending.
"I'm so tired," Meagan says.
Amethyst nods in agreement and before anyone could say anything else they fall asleep, in each other's arms on the floor of their baby's room.