Just that Sinner

31

The hospital may have white walls and bright lights but to Meagan and Amethyst, it looks grey. Their world has become a less colorful vision than the one they were previously in. Everything feels as if it's playing in slow motion but also at a fast speed. Needless today, nothing feels right anymore.
It's like a nightmare they can't seem to wake up from, an episode of the twilight zone they can't skip, it's like hell. That's it, that's the best way to describe it, hell.
"I can't do this." Meagan cries and holds onto Amethyst's hand.
"You need to though." Amethyst reminds her.
"But I can't!" Meagan cries as she waits in the delivery room.
The sound of crying babies is torturing them, "I feel so selfish and evil but I wish everyone else's babies were born sleeping." Meagan says in barely a whisper, thinking out loud.
"You have every right to feel that way, my love, don't be too hard on yourself," Amethyst says with a quick kiss on Meagan's forehead.
When the doctor comes for the induction, Meagan can't bring herself to look at him. When the labor pains start she doesn't know how to handle herself.
Amethyst does her best to comfort her but doesn't know how to handle herself either.
"Why can't our parents be with us," Amethyst whispers to herself, hoping Meagan didn't hear but she did.
She looks at Amethyst and cries, Amethyst sits beside the hospital bead and gently grabs Meagan's face.
"I love you." She says.
"I love you too," Meagan replies.
Meagan is now fully dilated, "Now let's have a baby my love." Amethyst tells her.
Meagan nods her head and tightly holds Amethyst's hand.
"I don't want to, I want her to stay with me forever," Meagan says.
"I know but it's time to meet our little angel," Amethyst says.
"Okay." Meagan quietly says.
"I love you." Amethyst whispers back.
They have a photographer there just in case they want to look at the pictures later, originally they didn't want any but figured it'll be a good idea just in case.
Meagan is now in full labor and Amethyst tries her best to cheer her on.
"You're doing so good, you got this baby! You're almost there!" She cheers.
"I see the head." The delivery nurse announces.
"3 more big pushes." She instructs
Meagan doesn't know what to feel, the emotional pain outweighs the physical pain. She decided against using any pain medication, she wanted to experience the pain since it'll be the first and last time she gets to see her daughter.
"One more! You got this!" The nurse says and with one big push and scream, Meagan hears the nurse say, "She's here! She's beautiful,  good job mama!" But doesn't hear a babies cry.
The child is placed in Meagan's arms and Meagan and Amethyst both cry.
"She's so beautiful, you did so good" Amethyst praises as she gently kisses the baby's forehead.
"I love you," Meagan says to her daughter and kisses her forehead as well.
"I love you too, so much," Amethyst says and kisses the baby.
"Did you want to hold her?" Meagan asks her girlfriend.
"Can I?" Amethyst asks.
"Of course, she's our baby." Meagan reminds her.
Amethyst sits up on the bed and unbuttons her shirt. She holds out her arms for the little angel, placing her cold little body on her chest.
Amethyst begins to sing through the tears,
"Wise men say
Only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you?"

Meagan cries but still joins in as well,
"Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be"

They now hold the little baby together and look at her while they continue to sing,
"Take my hand
Take my whole life, too
For I can't help falling in love with you"
-
"River, that's her name," Meagan says.
"That's beautiful, I love it." Amethyst replies.
"River Amethyst Rose" Meagan then says making Amethyst cry even harder.
"Just like her mama," Meagan says and cries.
"River Amethyst Rose Stanford," Amethyst says.
They both cut the cord together and have River's footprints done too. After everything is completed it's time for them to say goodbye.
They swaddle her and look to the nurse who is holding her arms out for the baby, "I'll take good care of her I promise." The nurse says.
Meagan and Amethyst both hand over the little one and as the nurse holds the baby she starts to sing their song as well.
Meagan and Amethyst join in, giving one more kiss to River they wave goodbye and just like that, the room was empty.
Their baby was gone, and now all they have is each other. They hold each other and cry but don't want to stay in the hospital any longer. They leave empty-handed and envy the happy families leaving with a baby in a car seat.
They try to remain strong and brave but only until they arrive home.
Home to an empty nursery.
Amethyst took everything down two days before saving Meagan some heartache but now the nursery is painfully empty.
It's like they are back to the beginning all over again.