Dream

Drifting

    He looked so adorable. I don't think I could see him ever hurting someone in his whole life but I guess people change.

    Rustling outside the closet nearly sent me into cardiac arrest, I quickly put the papers away in the order they went in and tried my best to place the objects that fell back in place as quietly as I could. I panicked in place not knowing what to do or say if he was awake.

    I peeked out of the closet and saw Kieran with his eyes still closed. I took the chance to zoom out of the room and down to the kitchen where I was able to let out the heavy breath I held in. His head will probably hurt when he wakes up. I went to the medicine cabinet and poured two pills in my hands and grabbed a cup of water, making my way upstairs.

    I sighed before walking into the room. Kieran had his hands on his face, now visibly awake. I set the cup of water down next to him and sat on the edge of the bed. Remember Suriah, he's probably still upset with you, don't do anything stupid.

    "Here," I quietly said, "Take these, they'll help with your head,".

    Kieran let out a groan and uncovered his face, which was scrunched up from the brightness of the room. He furrowed his eyebrows at me and shut his eyes. I pursed my lips, waiting patiently for him to take the pills.

    Kieran opened his eyes again and reached for the pills, gulping them down easily with no water. I watched the whole thing quite strangely.

    I grabbed the cup of water, "Drink some,".

    Kieran didn't fight against it and chugged the whole thing within seconds.

    "Are you hungry?".

    "Shh," He snapped, closing his eyes again.

    Kieran pulled at the blankets, making me stand up. He uncovered himself and sat at the edge of the bed for a while before he slowly stood up. I went to help him but he brushed me away, insisting he was fine. I pursed my lips and looked at the floor. It's only normal for him to act this way.

    Instead of waiting there, I went back downstairs to make something for him to eat. I fixed up some soup and toast for him and headed back upstairs. Kieran was sitting at the edge of the bed again. I set the tray of food on the nightstand and knelt down. I blew lightly on the hot soup and held my hand out to him.

    "Here," I mumbled.

    Kieran turned his head away, furrowing his eyebrows. I sighed, my lips pouting.

    "Just eat a little, it'll make you feel better," I insisted, holding the spoon back up.

    Kieran sighed out and moved his head away. I tried again and he rolled his eyes, slapping my hand away from him. I jumped in place and froze as Kieran slid the whole tray of food off the nightstand frustratingly. As unlucky as I was, some landed on my hand causing me to jump up and hiss in pain. When Kieran's eyes found me, I tucked my hand behind my back and bit the pain away.

    He closed his eyes, sighing out tiredly, "I'm sorry,".

    I focused on breathing, trying to calm my heart from bursting out of my chest. Kieran's actions like that always sent me into shock because of the history behind it, of course I was going to be fucking teriffed of a bowl falling on the floor.

    "Are you okay?" I eventually was able to ask.

    His tired eyes locked with mine, "Don't...,".

    "Are you okay?" I asked again.

    "Don't ask me that," He mumbled, "When you look like that,".

    I bit my lip ready to turn away but I took a deep breath in and relaxed my shoulders.

    "I'm fine," I almost entirely lied, and he knew.

    "Don't lie,".

    "I'm not lying,".

    "Sure you're not," he scoffed.

    That was almost equivalent to being stabbed in the chest but I couldn't be upset for hearing him say that. It was the truth. As much as I hated to see him question me and doubt me, I did this to myself. I made it this way. I looked away and tapped my finger against my leg.

    "I'm sorry," I confessed, "It's my fault you're this way. It's my fault this whole thing happened,".

    "Suriah," Kieran snapped, I looked back at him, "Shut up,".

    I lowered my head back down, unable to keep on looking at the disappointment in his face. Or was it hurt? Maybe both, I don't know. I let my tense shoulders drop and breathed out heavily before kneeling down to pick up the mess on the floor. All while I felt Kieran's gaze tear into my soul.
    I picked the tray up and walked out of the room, feeling the burning tears glaze my eyes.

    I don't want to go back upstairs. I don't want to look him in the face again. Just...just clean up the mess and walk away.

    I sighed once again, setting everything I had on the tray where they needed to be before going back up to the room and cleaning the spilt soup on the floor. Kieran, still, staring at me the whole time but not saying a word. Once I finished I plopped onto the couch in the living room and shut my eyes tightly, trying to forget the way his stare tore me apart.

    Why is he still treating me like that? I know I fucked up but I'm trying to do right by my mistakes. The way Kieran looked at me with the utmost degrading and shaming eyes was worse than the punches he threw at me. He looked at me like I wasn't human. And I hated how it affected me this badly. I shouldn't even care about what he thinks of me but I can't stop myself from caring. He's like a parasite that's continuing, and will never stop, growing on me.

    I feel like throwing up.

    My eyes opened at the sound of steps walking into the area. I stared at Kieran fixing the cuffs of his suit, looking as if he wasn't intensely sick just yesterday. He finished and stopped at the kitchen island, like he was reading me through the tension before leaving. Kieran walked away, not bothering to look back at me or ever say bye.
    The door slammed shut, making me jump.

    I felt my neck tense up and my jaw clench down so hard I think it popped. Kieran...you're such an asshole. I gasped out, tears I wasn't aware of falling down my face. I lowered my head and hugged my knees close to my body. Such an asshole. I hiccuped on my tears and pushed myself against the couch, wiping away the embarrassing tears.

    I stared deeply at the spot Kieran once stood at not too long ago. Too many emotions were taking over my body that the only thing that would come out of me were more tears of distress. I sighed out, ready to close my eyes when I heard the whir of a camera.
    I turned my head to the camera beside me and watched its red light blink at me like a hypnosis. I knew it was Kieran behind the lens and I stared back just as lifelessly as he did to me today. Eventually I couldn't bear to look any longer. I lowered my head and hugged myself tightly, searching for a warmth that I was missing.

    I really fucked up bad this time. Kieran won't bother to look at me let alone talk to me and I don't know what else to do to make amends with him when I know I shouldn't even be trying to. Fuck, I really fucked up.
    Will he ever look at me again? Look at me the same way he did when he held me as we danced across the room floor, like he needed me desperately. Like it was just us.

    I reached up, gently tracing my fingers over my lips. I sighed, burying my face into my knees.

    I suddenly want cherries.