Beyond the Books

Painfully Right

Characters: Samanya and Thesan
Book: This story does not take place in any of my fanfictions.
This is set four months after my short story Open Hearts

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    Samanya lay awake, the sounds of night flickering past her pointed ears. A gentle breeze wafted through her open bedroom window, ruffling the feathers of her wings which hung off the edge of the bed. The night was calm and warm, but she could find no rest despite the exhaustion that had plagued her all day.

    The fact was owed to the male who seemed equally restless at her side. Thesan lay with his back facing her, but she knew he was awake based on the pattern of his breaths. She also thought she might know what it was that was keeping him awake.

    When they met earlier that night at the dance hall where Samanya worked, as had been their custom for the past four months, there had been whispered rumors regarding the High Lord's former lover.

    People were claiming that Ameer was going to resign from his post in the Peregryn Legion and leave the Dawn Court. No one could say where he was going or how the rumor had originated, but Samanya knew it had weighed heavily on Thesan's mind all night.

    No matter how often the High Lord insisted otherwise, Samanya knew he was still in love with Ameer. He always would be. Ameer was his mate, even if they hadn't accepted the Bond yet. They would forever be incomplete without each other, and she knew Thesan was aware of that. He was just too afraid to accept it, given how Ameer had called off their relationship several months ago.

    Samanya watched as Thesan's shoulders rose and fell in a silent sigh. A lump formed in her throat as she realized what she was going to have to do. She would not watch him drive himself mad because he refused to fight for what he wanted. She would not let him deny his own feelings out of respect for her and whatever it was they had. She loved him too much for that.

    She blinked rapidly as Thesan rolled over. He started, then knit his brows. "Why aren't you asleep?" He asked, touching his knuckles to her sunkissed cheek.

    "Why aren't you?" She countered.

    "I was just thinking."

    "About Ameer?" Guilt flashed through his dark eyes, visible even in the pale moonlight. Samanya drew his hand towards her lips and pressed a soft kiss to his knuckles. "It's all right."

    "It's not," Thesan sighed. "It's been months. I need to move on. It's just that..."

    "You don't want to," Samanya finished for him. "I know you don't."

    "I..."

    "Don't apologize. It's not your fault. I understand that." She mustered a warm smile, ignoring the way her heart clenched with sorrow. Thesan laced their fingers together, saying nothing.

    "I know Ameer is special to you," Samanya continued. "I know that no one will ever replace him in your heart. You love him, and he's your mate." Thesan tensed. "He is, isn't he?"

    Thesan averted his eyes and slightly turned his head away. Wavy locks of brown hair fell across his brow. "I...I think so. Yes."

    Samanya lifted her free hand to his cheek and tilted his face back to hers. "You should tell him that. I think he feels as lost without you as you do without him." Her voice took on a scolding tone when she spoke next. "And don't you dare deny it. I've gotten to know you quite well in the past four months."

    Thesan gave a soft chuckle. "Yes, you have. But I've gotten to know you too." He met her gaze. "Why are you saying these things, Samanya? You know that if you tell me to forget about him, I will. If you want me to be yours, I am. If you wish us to wed, we shall."

    Samanya swallowed hard and drew a steadying breath. "You would try to forget about him. You would try to be mine. But you wouldn't be. Not completely, and I could never ask you to deny yourself like that."

    "For you, I would."

    "I know, but that isn't what either of us wants." Her eyes burned with unshed tears and she blinked once more. "I love you, Thesan. And I love you enough to tell you that this is...it's..."

    "Over," he whispered when her voice caught. "Are you sure?"

    Samanya nodded, even as a few tears slipped down her cheek. She clenched her jaw and wiped them away brusquely. "Yes. I want you to be happy. I want you to find Ameer and fix things with him. In the next few months, I want to hear that the High Lord and the Peregryn Commander have been mated."

    Thesan brushed his thumb across her cheek, wiping away another tear that fell. "If that is what you wish, it will be done. But I have a few things I want from you as well." Samanya nodded. "I want to hear that you quit working for the prick at the dance hall and started the knitted clothing and lace company you always talk about."

    "I want you to find someone who loves you completely and unconditionally." A wistful smile crossed his face. "I want to meet the children you hope to have someday. One boy and one girl, with wings and smiles as beautiful as your own."

    Samanya nodded once more and was unable to stop her tears from falling. Thesan slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, then threaded his fingers through her hair with gentle, soothing strokes. She didn't protest. Didn't try to push herself away. Didn't ask him to leave.

    Come morning, she knew he would be gone. And someday soon, she'd hear that he and Ameer were mated. It would hurt as it already did, but it was right. She had always known this day would come, and delaying it would only make the pain worse.

    Her mother had warned her since the first night they shared together. She'd put it off for too long already. Samanya closed her eyes against her tears and the bout of dizziness that came with them.

    Thesan continued to hold her, not speaking. She drew a deep breath of his warm scent, morning glories, tilled soil, and crisp mountain air. Her own was mixed with it, freshly baked honey-bread and morning dew. Samanya kept her eyes closed and, one last time, pretended that he was hers, and that this was right.