All yours // Billy Hargrove

\\ Chapter 22 // Eris //

The school was quite as Nancy and I made our way to the cafeteria.

"Are you going to go tonight?"

she questioned, raising an eyebrow as her eyes darted up at me, attempting to read my immediately stiffened expression,

"I'm still not sure."

It was Friday, I was supposed to be  going to Chris's house.

"What do you mean you're not sure?!"

Nancy exclaimed stopping suddenly in the middle of the corridor, her mouth open with an almost horrified look of confusion plastered on her cheeks.

"Chris is really hot, and I know it's cliche, but he's a  jock, a quarter back... what is there not to be sure about?!"

I hadn't told Nancy about Billy.

I hadn't told anyone.

Something I was thankful of because everybody was talking about him, about his recent conquests in the past days. I honestly don't know why i expected anything else. And at this point i didn't give a flying fuck. And knowing I was part of this long list made me feel sick to my stomach. physically unwell.

When he decided to fuck off the other night, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset.

Actually upset is a bit of an understatement. I was furious at first. furious that I'd let myself get in this fucking situation. Again. Allowing myself to be proven wrong - ignoring what everyone, every  fucking person had told me about that boy.

I felt used. And all fairness i  was.

But, despite all this. Despite everything.

When i laid in bed at night, i couldn't sleep. i couldn't fucking sleep because all i could think about was him.

Whenever I shut my eyes all i could see, all i dreamed about was him.

it was all i saw and all i wanted to see.

i could still feel his kisses all over me, i could still taste him on my lips. i could still smell him in my room. But the worst part  was that I craved  it, him.

i never want this feeling to go away. I never wanted his touch to leave my skin not his kiss, his breath. I wanted him to permanently stain me.

I wanted him all over me again.

I hadn't spoken to Billy all week. i hadn't even looked at him, and he made no effort to talk to me. And that was how i wanted it to stay.

"I don't know...does he not give you a weird vibe... there just isn't something right about him."

i continued. It was true,Chris had been staring at me all week. But not a nice stare. Like a creepy 'I'm going to murder you' stare that made me itch with a discomfort in my gut that I just couldn't shake.

"You need to get a grip. What happened to the Eris that used to call with a new profound story every other week? I miss her. She was fun. Much more interesting than you."

Nancy sighed in a dramatic, reminiscent eye roll, and i missed me too, how i used to be, before everything.

suddenly, a loud slam jolted us back into reality.

There was a girl pressed up against Billy, he griped at her waist pushing her closer to him, his back against the locker.

My stomach churned as my whole body began aching at the undeniable parrel of what was happening now and what happened the other night.

How could I have possibly thought, in any way that i was different? for fucks sake. I was so stupid, and now it was undeniable .All the evidence had been presented to me, and I was the fucking guilty one. Guilty of believing for a second that I was worthy of anything. For thinking I could trust Billy fucking Hargrove.