The Grisha Diaries (A Darklina Fanfic)

Chapter 11: Mentally Cheating

I AWAKE THE next morning from a murky sleep. I am no longer naive to think that dream last night was just that.

The Darkling is coming, for me. That I am sure. I have time, but he didn't specify how much time.

Thanks to that girl, Elizaveta, I knew exactly where he was. Gorod Bogov, the home of his followers and the only place that would give him a title or worship him the way those Grisha girls and Stephen did.

The morning sun rises around me, it's light shining through my windows. With it, impending choices and feelings I want to push off more than anything rather than face. I reach for the rays of light coming through the window panes for comfort. For the first time in a year, as my fingers move, the light dances with them, flashing joyous rays in an epiphany of brilliance.

I could go after Aleks. Even now I can feel his presence coming from the direction of the use-to-be-fold, like north on an internal compass. So much like Mal used to have for me. The feeling irks me, not that he knows exactly where I am if he feels the same, but that Mal is my true north and yet I've never been able to track him as instinctually as this feels.

As if on cue, before allowing me to continue my thoughts further, Mal enters the room, surprising me. He looks freshly showered, coming in to dress. He pauses and his eyes land on my hands, glowing. I had clearly caught him by surprise, it appears I am not the only one still pinching myself that this is real.

"Good morning beautiful," Mal smiles, shaking his surprise off, pausing for a moment to take me in. But, I don't need to squint to see the trace of worry in his eyes and the bags under them.

"I've penned a letter to Nikolai, if you want to read it before I send it. I've asked one of the Royal guards to travel with it. Nikolai and the Grisha need to know what to protect you against. Maybe they know why this happened."

Not as much as I know, which isn't nearly as much as that Stephen mad scientist knows. But, concerning the return of my summoning abilities, I have nothing to hide from my friends. "Ok, I'll go read it with my coffee in the sitting room."

He nods, turning to go into his closest.

"Mal," I start, "are we going to be okay? You and I?"

Mal's eyes meet mine again. He doesn't look surprised by my question but rather prepared for it. "Of course Alina, I loved you when you had your powers and I loved you without them just the same. It doesn't matter to me. As long as we are safe and together. This changes nothing, especially with what you admitted you were ready for last night. Our life remains here."

Children! Oh saints, I promised Mal children last night. My hand instantly moves to my stomach. A promise I instantly know I have to take back. The implications of such an argument though I'm not ready to confront.

I look away as my heart begins to race and I send a prayer out to the saints that I am not already pregnant. Tea. I need tea. There's too much to do.

I calm my composure before turning back to Mal. "What about when people come inquiring about my abilities?"

"We tell them what we always do, that they are gone. The only reason to tell our friends is so that they can investigate the sudden appearance of your abilities and so that you will not feel an obligation to involve yourself in their jobs."

"What about not hiding who we are, Mal? What happened to no more lies?" My frustration flows through me, hot and on the edge of being uncontrollable.

"Well Alina, what would you like to do?" he raises his voice in a responding aggression. His eyes water and for the first time I realize I'm breaking his heart.