Intercept My Heart

Chapter 9

The warm beads of water soothed my bare skin as I stood underneath the shower head. I stared blankly at the shower walls wondering to myself when did I let myself go? Let myself go to the point I have to say 3 encouraging words every time I look in the mirror. I have to make sure my confidence is as high as I can manage it to get before I leave my apartment.

I count calories everyday, I make sure I'm drinking enough water, I make sure to eat healthy foods, and workout extra hard the day after eating junk food.

I don't know the girl that I am today, but I'm thankful she isn't the same girl from sophomore year.

So I guess that's something I can pat myself on the back about.

I turn off the faucets and step out of the shower. The Advil I had taken before dragging myself into the shower was finally kicking in. I dry myself off and wrap myself in my old bathrobe and let my damp hair hang down my back.

I learned from the many texts I received that the girls had crashed at a few football players house, since they all were too shit faced to drive back to their dorm rooms. This was most likely right up Chloé's alley because she's had a big crush on the tight end, Austin, since I can remember.

And apparently, Morgan and Rosalie had been touchy touchy as soon as they left the party.

They would have to fill me in on all the details since I missed everything due to a date-not so date, with Cade.... At a burger spot.

I should've made him take me to Chipotle.

I grimace as I make my way around the small apartment, opening up my blinds and curtains, letting the sunshine brighten up the place.

***

A few hours later, Chloé stood in my living room area, clad in a tiny mini skirt, giving me extreme details about her night. More details than I cared to hear about since my sex life was nonexistent.

She ran her slim fingers through her neatly styled blond hair. It amazes me how she can get totally shit faced, but still manages to get up and make herself look like a model out of a magazine.

"I can't believe I hooked up with Austin Glass!" She paced back and forth as she continued to explain further. "I came 4 times! I had 4 freaking orgasms, Autumn!"

Great for her. I can't remember the last time I had one, if I've ever had any. Orgasms from my toys don't count.

"The first two hit me so hard I thought I was going blind." She said as she flopped down on my sofa.

"That's a good thing though, right?" I question unsure of myself. Chloé always did casual hookups. Which is why I'm just as surprised as she is, of the excitement she's in.

"Yes. That's a great thing." She says fiddling with her nails. "I just don't know if... I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm sure he's made many girls on campus come multiple times."

I know the huge crush she's had on him so I expected her to check this off on her bucket list. But she seems upset? Disappointed maybe?"

"I just wish we both were sober enough. We were both drunk and it just kind of happened. He probably won't even remember my name tomorrow." She sighs.

"There's only one way to find out." I say with a smirk. She turns to look at me with her bright blue eyes, silently saying I'm listening. "We're going to the first football game, Friday. And you're going to speak to him after the game."

"No. Then I'll just look like all of the other cleat chasers."

"I never knew you to back away from a challenge." I tease.

"I don't. Anyway. Enough about me." She sits up and places her hand on top of my hand. "How have you been? Seriously? No bullshitting me."

I bite my bottom lip and look away staring at nothing in particular. I've been keeping my feelings to myself, or watering down the truth at least. Tears burn my eyes, blurring my vision, threatening to slide down my eyelids.

"I feel like.. I have this wall up. Like everyone will hurt me. I'm not made for causal hookups. I wasn't even made to get my heart broken. I can't even have a normal conversation with a guy without screwing it up." My voice cracks as I explain further. "I don't want to be known as the stuck up girl on campus. Or the bitch. I just want to feel normal again."

"You're never going to be 18 year old Autumn again. you're 21. You're a young woman and you have to embrace it. Don't dwell in the time you feel like you've lost. You'll always have us. I love you Autumn and I hate seeing you like this."

I give her a weak smile as she takes me in her thin arms. Her scent of vanilla envelops me and I let my tears flow for the first time in a long time. I let it all out. This was the first of many stepping stones ahead that I have to get over.