My Journal (Or Whatever)

Untitled Part 91

CW: SH, Suicide ideation, Assault (of really any kinda if you think too hard), mental hospital

it was funny tho

June 28th, Tuesday, 2022, 12:00pm

ok so i havent slept in 48 hours and forgot to eat so bare with me for any spelling mistakes

last i had an actual update there was oct 28th of 2019 after jumping out my window and hiding in a bush for a few hour to escape home instruction, ALSO last i updated i was 14 AND not going to school soo umm a lot has changed but for starters i completely forgot about this after i drafted it in jun of 2019 bc a friend i just met online started following and very reasonably did not want them to know everything about me right away.. so now that 3 days ago when i remembered this thing existed and decided to update right after waking up and my newly recovered sense of not giving a flyin fuck about keepin shit to oneself and 3 day later, not sleepin, nor eating (which is really the only way to write and post on wattpad) i decided to just update already

i dont really want to i quite literally hate writing this but i feel as it is needed as one needs to shower... i dont know how dont ask me i just want to get this over with so i cant finally sleep

SO briefer of who i am now:

I am Nel, im 17 years old, pronouns are they/them but at the moment i dont really give a fuck as long as it is not she/her, i am a photography student that just finished Junior year of high school, I draw for a hobby, my favorite games atm are Sky COTL, Minecraft, and sims 4, i have been a lolita/ouji for a few years now- too tiered to really think and specify, i like ice skating, i say my favorite color is purple however my therapist says i can say white even though it isnt a color- also now that im thinking about it bc i was just handed a cherry slurpee id like to mention i dont like them unless they are pina colada flavored. 

OK now time to move onto how i got to this point.- god this is gonna take awhile- fuck

a few updates  ago i mentioned about going to school with a girl named antonia that was in my middle school- i shall pick up where i left off this that- ok so- that was my first- and basically last day of 9th grade in a very small school for the gays and autistics (40 students at most in total (also i can say that last statement bc i am autistic fuck you))  and i was happy to have to never see it again... or so i thought and we'll get back to that in a long second

the update before the last as i explained earlier i jumped out my window to get away from home school yadayadayada ANYWAYS to explain that a home instruction person came to my house a week after i said fuck you to 9th grade.... to put it shorty i kept jumping out windows and they gave up... awkward moments though bc my room window at the time was too far off the ground to get back in through so i had to use the front door.... yeah so one time at like idk 8 pm i was cold leaning against a tree thought it was long enough- it was not- and walked in on her still teaching my sister... like i said awkward- anyway still it worked since she left after teaching my sister. so then in Nov of that year a week before thanks giving (that is an important detail) i decided to try to go to my district school for the last 2 periods all was going great that week i had a math class with Aster and a health class after. however for thanksgiving break my family had a trip planned to go to ocean city maryland (nothing good ever happens there it 100% always goes to shit- proven) and it was all paid for since it was for cancer patients and my sister happens to be one of them. ok so i never went back to 9th grade after that week so-. might as well talk about the trip but the only thing i can really remember from that specific trip was my dad slamming me into a wall and between a door..... with said door.... lmao.

in a previous update i VERY briefly mentioned my mom trying to get me part time in a mental hospital which she did but i stopped going.. bc i still went home everyday and still technically had free will ^-^ .... that wont last much longer tho so hehe yeah