Sinful Love (Ziall Horlik) AU

Chapter 10

Niall's POV

A soft kiss on my lips startled me into waking up from my dreamless sleep. I opened my eyes to be met with a pair of blood shot brown ones looking at me. I let my eyes wonder down to Zayn's lips and leaned forward just a bit because I needed the comfort his kisses bring me.

He kissed me back lightly as one of his hands ran from where it was resting on my arm, down to my hip. When he pulled back, I saw he was staring deeply into my eyes with so much pain even I felt it for him.

"What is this?" He asked me quietly, then looked down to where I saw my boxers where pulled down on my hip and my shirt was just gently lifted by Zayn's hand. My eyes met the new lines I placed in my body just last week and my blood ran cold.

"Three hundred and two. There are 302 perfectly straight lines on your beautiful body. Did you do that to yourself?" Zayn asked me as tears built up in his eyes. That was what scared me more than having him discover what hidden secret I've had on my body for years now. Seeing Zayn like this scared me more than what he could think of me now. I've never seen him cry, and in all honesty I never wanted to.

"I have to keep count." I whispered to him, trying to explain to him what those were. He sat up on my bed and turned away from me.

"Count of what? Why are you doing that to yourself, love?" He asked me after a single tear fell from his eye, but he wiped it quicker than it even made much of an appearance on his face.

"How many times I'm in there. How many times I have to sit in there for hours with nothing to do but think about other than all the things I've done wrong." I told him quietly then, limped over to my closet where I could slip on some pajama bottoms so I wasn't half naked in front of Zayn. He stayed quiet while I did that, so quiet I thought I might have even left, but when his arms wrapped tightly around me from behind I knew he was still there. It made me hope just a little bit that he would always be there for me.

"When did it start?" He asked me, then kissed the back of my neck. I shivered at the touch and backed into his arms more before answering.

"When I was 14. First time in the closet was because I dyed my hair blonde without my parents consent." I told him, remembering how claustrophobic I felt in that closet for the first time.

I remember just sitting there, looking at myself in those mirrors hating everything I saw with a passion. That time of looking at myself I picked out every flaw and wished I could change. I saw how fat I was and I saw how ugly I was, even if I tried to dye my hair. That day I took a piece of the broken mirror left from the times my brother was thrown into it and marked one small line on my leg to count the first time I was in there and to feel the pain so I wouldn't ever do anything bad again.

Unfortunately, after that day more marks were added to my leg as my father's patience with me grew thin and I ended up breathing wrong. I get thrown into that mirrored closet for doing nothing, but I still deserve a mark on my skin each time I go in there. Sometimes it's not even to punish myself, it's just to keep count so I know how many times I was forced to see how much I hated myself.

"Niall, please don't hurt yourself anymore." Zayn begged me as he squeezed me a bit. I nodded because I knew soon I would run out of room on my leg and have to move to more places. I have that many marks on my one leg and it's only been three years. I don't like to do it, but it reminds me all the times I've messed up.

I turned in Zayn's arms and hugged him tightly. Also realizing that Zayn wasn't wearing a shirt because he gave his to me. My cheeks heat up, so I just closed my eyes to ignore how soft his skin was and to focus on how nice it was to have someone holding me.