Sinful Love (Ziall Horlik) AU

Chapter 5

Niall's POV

"Who was that?" My dad asked me when I walked in the door. I forced myself to make eye contact with him, even though I was terrified to look at him.

The Bible always talks about fearing your parents and fearing God out of respect, but I'm sure this isn't out of respect for my father. It's out of pure intimidation of the man.

"He's my friend." I told him, fighting the instinct to look away from my father so I wouldn't get in more trouble than I was for not being respectful to my mum. Just when I didn't think I could take it anymore, my mum walked in the room causing my father to huff and look away from me.

"Niall, I'm glad your home." She said, then gave me a hug that I always loved to get from her because they were always very much needed after the long days of fighting my own mind. This was always the one thing I could appreciate from coming home. Other than that, I always hope my dad isn't home before me because he really just makes me unhappy.

"Go to the repentance closest." He ordered me. I nodded and put my backpack down at the bottom of the stairs. I was glad I didn't have homework because then I wouldn't be able to do it because I'm in a closet for the rest of the night.

Once I sat in there, I looked up to the skylight window on the ceiling as my father locked the door. The outside seemed so far way from where I was. Being in this room doesn't make me feel like I need to repent for my sins, it gives me time to think of all the things in my life that will make me sin in the future or the one thing I'm fighting off.

I'm positive that being homosexual will send you to hell, that's not something I could ever do or be no matter what feelings I get when certain boys touch me.

But, talking to Zayn today about normal things in society actually made sense. Is listening to other music so bad if it is talking about something the Bible tells us to do?

The Bible says to love, so listening to music about love shouldn't be a sin. Also, the Bible says to give your testimony when you accept Christ. What if people singing about overcoming heart break or something like that is their testimony?

I knew I shouldn't be thinking like this, but the logic behind it makes sense to me more than not listening to anything that has a bass beat to it, or an instrumental track in the case. Zayn makes me think of things in different ways, and for me it actually feels like a good thing. It's like getting perspective on things that I've been blinded to my whole life.

I wonder what Zayn thinks about homosexuality. I wonder if he has a way of making it seem okay or if it actually is okay if you're not raised as a preacher's son. Sure, I know it would still send me to hell and make God be disgraced of me, but I want to know if there is away of making it okay. If maybe, just maybe I can accept myself for things that I had no choice over.

I let my eyes slip shut and thought about how Zayn is as a person. He's like an intricate puzzle that you have to put together slowly to see the real picture. He's sweet, yet he always seems to have a bite to his words that gives me this feeling of being alive. He's caring, but I still see that he has a selfish side to him that wants what he wants when he wants it. But not matter what I think of him, I still feel like when I'm with him I'm just comfortable.

Like today when Liam started talking to me, asking me to go to his birthday party that he was going to have I was so uncomfortable, then Zayn comes and I feel at peace. I felt like a safe place just came and saved me from the fear of what I was feeling. I don't feel those things about Liam anymore. There are no more butterflies or blushing like mad when he walks in a room, but there is still something in the back of my mind that wants to look at him in sinful ways. So when Zayn came up and just stood there like the intimidating person he is, I felt safe. I felt like I didn't have to hide anything and he would do it for me if he had to.