****
Later on I spotted Antigoni and Indiyah round by the alcove so I went and led by them to try and get some sense out of the situation, it felt like without even having a conversation with Jay, I was innocently in the middle of a storm right now.
"How do you feel now?" Antigoni asked. "Like do you want to get to know Jay? Do you want to keep getting to know Jacques? What's the vibe?"
"Honestly for me, I do like Jacques and I can't deny that. I like him both in terms of looks and personality, he brings out this like fun and flirty side of me. I don't look and Jay now and think he's someone that I even want to get to know further, I haven't even had a conversation with him since our date, so when Jacques came over and said to me what he'd said to him, I kind of just wanted him to be a bit more territorial, I don't know."
"But I think you're looking at this the wrong way." Antigoni said. "Like I think he's doing a 'go and get to know him but then we can kind of pass this test and we'll be a better couple for it'. He wants you to go and speak to Jay and then come back and give him that reassurance that you do only want him."
"Yeah."
I could feel that if I talked anymore I was just going to cry so I excused myself to go to the toilet where I gave myself a little pep talk not to do it here and just stay calm. But all that was going to be broken when I saw Indiyah stood there.
"What's going on?" She asked, grabbing my hand to lead us both into the dressing room.
"I don't want to talk, because if I talk I'll just cry. I just need to get into bed and just sleep this off. I don't feel very well and this has just been a shit night"
"That's the worst thing you could do, at least talk to me, what's getting to you?"
"Just the whole Jacques and Jay thing." I could barely get that out without my voice breaking and tears starting to fall as I rested my head on the surface. "He's like go and get to know Jay but then I'm like that's not what I want. In the back of my head I'm like is he doing this because he doesn't feel the same way as I do and he wants me to get to know other people, is this like him anticipating other girls coming in so he can have the go ahead to get to know them."
"Babe I'm telling you know if he's thinking like that then he's the best actor in the world."
"It's just fucking shit because we've always said we weren't like exclusive or anything and I know it's hypocritical of me to be like this but in my head I know it would take a lot for my head to turn and this just puts doubt in my head about if he feels the same. It's just such early days and I can already feel my feelings getting stronger and I'm scared I won't lie."
It's not that I want him to be fully territorial or anything like that, I just wished he would have added some reassurance that he thinks we're stronger than all this and he doesn't think that I'll have the same connection with Jay as I do with him. Just something to tell me that we have something strong that's not going to be broken by this guy I don't even fucking like.
"I think you both need to have that conversation tomorrow and just see where you are in terms of being on the same page or not"
"I just wish I wasn't so emotional all the time, I want to be able to bottle it all up."
That was probably the worst time for Jacques to have walked in, just as I was wiping my obviously red eyes with a make up wipe.
"Hey, what's up?" He asked kneeling down to my seat.
"Nothing, I was just taking my make up off." I said, giving him a small smile through the mirror before distracting myself.
"What's up?" He repeated. "Come on."
Bad Night
Start from the beginning
