Odasaku's Last Wish (Dazai X Male!Reader)

VII

(TW: self-harming behaviour)

(Y/n) sat at the futon with dazai, a first aid kit next to him. He gently took dazais arm, placing it on his lap for a moment as he grabbed some fresh bandages. He took a cotton swab moist with antibiotics, and again gently dabbed in onto dazais wounds. After finishing that up, he wrapped his arms with the bandages and moved on to the second arm. The entire time (Y/n) was working they didn't say a word. It wasn’t akward, but there was this tension, a tension you only felt in a situation like this. A too often happening situation. Dazai could only hope in vain that (Y/n) decided he didn't need to know why. He didn't need to know why he did it, why he kept doing it, and why he never let onto it until he found out.
But he never asked. He knew how it felt, to be found out. That sinking feeling in your chest once you've realised how fucked you are, the feeling of hoplessness and vulnerability. You know you can't hide it anymore, you know they're going to ask questions. Questions that feel more intrusive than ones about your sex-life. They feel so intemate and personal, it's impossible to answer them completly truthfully. Sprinkeling little white lies and completely made up things, too embarrassed and ashamed of what was hidden behind lies. These things where a taboo thing, nobody ever talking about it, avoiding it like the plague. Never once acknowleging the fact that it was something people did, that felt hopeless, useless, not worth it or just wanted to die. Some did it for attention, but that barely worked and (Y/n) didn't want to know why he did it, atleast not until dazai was 100% ready. He had only known about dazais feeling for him after he had kissed him, the tingle of emotion still ghosting their lips. All that (Y/n) knew at the moment was that dazai was still hurting. That he still needed his help, but he knew he could only help him if dazai would want and allow it. "I want you to know that I'm here for you. I know you know that I would do anything for you, and that will never change, and I need you to hear it. You don't have to say or explain anything to me if you not ready or don't want to. It's okay." He said, his voice gently laced with worry and care dripping from every word, dazai knew he would always be there for him. No matter what kind of shit he got himself into, it was nice hearing it again though, as a reminder for who he kept going even though he was sure he had nothing left to life for. Everytime he thought that, (Y/n) came to his mind, like a boomerang he kept shooting into his mind, digging his name deep in his brain and engaving his face to memories long before he had even heard of the ADA. It made him feel warm inside knowing (Y/n) was willing to go to great lengths just to protect him, and be there for him, even though he know dazai can take care of himself if he wanted to. (Y/n) loves him, and he loves (Y/n).
He hated that it took him as long as it did to finally realize what his feeling ment. He had felt like this since he had first seen the guy. (Y/n) had needed a bit, but he had felt feelings blossoming early on in their cooperative missions. At first he didn't like his cockieness and the sly looks as (Y/n) fucked something up, but soon enough he came to enjoy to jokes, he realized they defused the tense situations and apreciated them as they more often than not, actually helped him lossen up and clear his mind for a second before continuing.