(BlackHeart2) BLACKSOUL

Chapter 18

         I thought I'd heard the front door, so I walked out with the intention of greeting my brother. He's been practically missing for the past several days. I don't know what's going on, but I know it's something. My body literally froze in place when instead of seeing Elio I saw the tall dark figure of the man I so badly want to forget. He was in all black which isn't surprising. His face looks meaner somehow. Even this blank expression he had before seeing me here was just harder than I remember it. There's something even darker about him now. It's evident and can send a chill through you.

        When he did see me his expression only hardened further as his shoulders tensed up. I couldn't help saying his name because I was just surprised he was in my apartment. My heart started thrumming in my chest being alone in a room with him. It's the first time. I watched him clench his fists and go straight for the door without acknowledging me. I shouldn't be surprised, because he's ignored me for 9 months now, so why would it be any different today? 

But still my mouth spoke without my permission, and said something along the lines of "Um, okay?" I don't know what set him off, but when Dom whirled around I saw this fire in his eyes that frightened me. His face morphed into one I barely recognized as he just started shouting at me.

        "Don't fucking speak to me. Don't look at me. Stay the fuck away from me, Mia. I don't want you in any of my establishments. Nothing. I don't know how it isn't already fucking clear, but I hate you. I regret you," his tone held venom. 

Those words hit my chest like a freight train, and my heart just stopped. His harsh words repeated in my mind as Domani De Luca looked down at me like I was literal shit. I felt small. I felt inferior. I felt heart broken. He said he hates me. Hate?! What did I do to warrant that?! He said he regrets me? I knew it. I knew that's why he cut me off. He regrets it. All of it. 

I couldn't even come up with a single word. I couldn't breathe.

        After the hate in his eyes seared me enough he turned around and punched the wall before exiting my apartment. There were little pieces of drywall crumbled down onto the floor to make a mess, and a dent the size of a large fist. As soon as the door slammed shut I broke. I released the sob I'd held in as soon as the words were being screamed at me. I covered my mouth and tried not to let myself fall apart, but I couldn't stop the tears from coming. I felt the way the wall looked. Broken, crumbled, messy. 

I ran into my room and climbed on my bed, so I could cry. And I cried a lot. This dam broke inside of me and I cried 9 months worth of tears, even though I'd cried at that time too. Domani De Luca hates me. Domani De Luca regrets ever touching me or being with me in any way. How can none of it matter to him? How?!

        The little moments we'd run into each other when I first moved to New York, our little secret flirty texts, the gifts, the Dior experience, the restaurants, the late night chats, the phone calls, the visits in Europe, the way I gave my body over to him completely. The way I let him know my darkest years, and wanted to know his too. How does none of that matter to him?! 

I sucked in air and sobbed again into my trembling hand. Why am I never enough for these men? Why am I so hated by them? My father looked at me with those eyes. That hate. Kristoff looked down at me with those eyes of hate. Now Dom, why? What do I do wrong? It's obviously me if it just keeps happening over and over again. I want to scream. 

I cried until my eyes burned and were swollen. Until my gut hurt. My head was pounding. I cried until I felt myself go empty inside, and then I just hugged myself and fell asleep. When there was a knock at the door I didn't even answer it.