VANILLA // POLY~wxmxmxmxmxm

1- Carl

A/N: Chapters with sex scenes would have stars at the beginning of the chapters title.

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There are things you remember when you're laying on your bed at seven am in the morning, surrounded by five teddy bears and one mouse plushie on your lap while you stare at your ceiling.

You remember that you liked to sleep in between warm bodies and wake up with different scents and sounds around you.

You remember that you liked to hear the sounds of doors closing and opening with loud voices ringing through the rooms in the hallway.

You remember you liked the noise made when you're seated at the table when you had breakfast with the people you thought were family.

You remember... That you never appreciated that, until now.

"It's been five years," My hand brushes Hailey, as I keep looking at the intricate designs on the ceiling.

There's light coming from the window behind me, making shapes on it while everywhere is completely quiet, the only noise being the sounds of birds chirping on the tree next to my window. "Things like this, you grow to get tired of it."

I raise her up, smiling at her. "One of the reasons I'm still sane is because of you though. I'm not sure how I would have survived on my own."

That's if you consider me talking to a toy of mine sane.

Hailey is barely holding on any more. One of her black, tiny eyes have been switched with a button which was sewed loosely by me and she looks totally worn out, that being solely my fault since I'm the one who keeps squeezing the poor life out of it.

"I'm asking Channing today, though," I say, "I've been wanting to ask for a year now and I never got the courage to but I think now I can. He'd— He'd let me, right?"

Hailey doesn't say anything.

I chuckle, pulling her back to my chest. "Right. You can't hear me, but if you did, I know you'd tell me he'd understand. Channing is— Channing is my brother after all. He's not— Them."

Besides, how long has it been since I stood under the sky? Or walked under it? I can't even remember.

After I had woken up from my coma which had gone on for two months, I found out that my whole world had gone into chaos.

Doctor had let us go. Channing had tried committing suicide, slit his wrists but survived and was sent to a rehab center. Crassius came to visit me a few times in the hospital when I was still unconscious but suddenly stopped a month before I woke up and I haven't seen him ever since while Stradella—

He acted like I didn't exist. Not that I'd even seen him either, but Channing used to get really upset when I mentioned his name, or Crassius', so I stopped.

After he got out of rehab, he kept asking me if I remembered anything weird, or that I did something I wouldn't usually do, but I couldn't, which hurt me more than I could admit.

Our parents... Had looked so terrified of me, the first time I got discharged from the hospital and came back home, and they weren't the only ones.

All the maids were as well and that had been frightening for me. Plus, Channing told me not to call him Chocolate anymore and he had been... Different.

Everything had felt like I entered a different dimension, a twilight zone maybe. After a while, he fired every one, leaving just the two of us and our parents which changed after he graduated.