As The Music Dies

10. Mixed Signals

Izuku nods finally lifting his head with a glassy sheen to his eye as he forces a light laugh.

" So it's the whole it not you it's me thing right? I know Kacchan, I'm.. I'm sorry .. I just thought, I mean it felt kinda like .. like.. "

Katsuki finishes for him.

" Like there's something between us? Like I have a thing for you?"

The greenett nods sheepish.

" You aren't necessarily wrong Deku. We.. we definitely have some kind of chemistry going. Shit is so easy with you and if I wasn't so fucked up Izuku you wouldn't stand a damn chance. I would have pursued you as mine the first night I saw you but .. but I just don't think I can give you what you want right now."

There's tears in emerald eye that he's holding back.

He meets the blondes gaze again.

" It's ok Kacchan. I get it, I do.. you aren't ready. But.. I.. I don't like to hear you say that your messed up, or broken or whatever. You just need someone who gets it and knows that'll take time."

Katsuki stares at him.

" And that's you huh?"

Izuku shrugs with a small sad smile.

" I guess I wanted it to be. But like I said I get it so please don't feel bad. It's late I need to get to sleep and you probably do too"

Katsuki cringes almost scared to let him out of his sight because of all this shit that's hanging so heavy.

He sighs.

" Yeah ok."

Izuku smiles softly.

" Good night Kacchan"

Before he makes it too far Katsuki stops him again.

" Deku, I .. I don't want to lose you as a friend or whatever. I know I might have fucked shit up tonight but.. but I don't want shit to stay weird with us."

Emerald eyes look into crimson.

" Good thing I'm not going anywhere then. Good night"

He's gone after that, leaving Katsuki with a twist of emotions so strong he isn't sure if he wants to cry, scream or throw a god damn tantrum.

By the time he makes it into his apartment both his heart and head aches.

He lights a cigarette slamming himself down onto the couch.

He keeps seeing those hurt green eyes.

He's seething on the inside for not having his shit together enough to  take a chance on someone who he has no doubt is probably most definitely worth it.

Part of him wants to stalk right back out the door and down a couple floors, pound on that door and return that fucking kiss till Izuku forgets his damn name, but he's frozen unable to tell if he'd be able to give him what he thinks he wants.

He growls laying down knowing sleep will never come.

And it didn't, not that night or the next, or the night after and it's showing on a very tired, very irritable blonde.

He's been drinking more than usual the past few days and he hasn't even seen Izuku, not that he's been looking because he hasn't thinking maybe there should be some space for a minute even if something inside is begging to differ.

He's currently at a practice playing a song he's been working on past few days when out of the corner of his eye just outside the room behind glass he can see that green eyed nerd talking to Pinky. He must have shown up in the last few minutes.