Eli Borrelli

14: Four blue pills

The second the familiar smoke traveled down my pipes, I felt myself relax. I felt the familiar lightness spread in my body, calming every cell. I left like I was floating over my body and flying around in the air, where nothing could reach me. It was calm, Peaceful, everything I had yearned for. 

Early on in my life, that peace was the thing I searched for nonstop. It was the only thing I needed to stay sane. I was nine when I smoked my first joint. I had just gotten back from the first camp needing anything to take my mind off the place. The familiar soothing sensation became the only thing keeping me alive. It wasn't my heart anymore, but the messy roll I could hide in my pencil case. Soon after that, I started popping pills but it wasn't until I started fixing that things got really bad. I was just twelve when I got my first fix. Carlos tried to cut me off but I just found another dealer, who sold me my first fix for a really cheap price. I never for proof but I'm pretty sure he was the man, who ended up putting a bullet in Carlos.

I got addicted fast and bad. Carlos managed to get me off heroin about a year before he died saving my life. Even tho I didn't care, I'd forever be grateful to him. It wasn't until I ran away that I started really smoking cigarettes. They were cheaper and easier to find when I didn't know anyone yet. In the two years I was gone I got a lot better. I couldn't spend all my money on drugs, because I had to send it to Diego, but that also meant I had a really shitty withdrawal. 

For a few weeks, I thought that I was dying. Every corner of my body ached and I could hardly even move. I didn't eat or leave my apartment for weeks, while I suffered. I never want to feel that again. I started smoking again and taking the occasional opioids, but I knew better than to let myself fall back.

As the pills started to kick in, I fell onto the bed. The slight ache echoing from my bloody arms disappeared, and I couldn't fight the smile on my face. I had a hard time keeping my eyes open, so I gave up and surrendered to the feeling taking over my body. 

Tiny stars danced over my eyelids as my mind wandered down the small alleyways in my memories. I always had to be careful with my dose. If I took too little, I just got really sad, but I couldn't overdose, so it was always a sweet balance. 

At that moment, I didn't care that I woke up my newfound brothers with a nightmare, that I would have to explain to them sooner or later. I didn't care, that I left Diego, or that I had no plan. I didn't care, that Mia was suffering because of me. All I thought about were the beautiful stars. I reached my hand towards them, at least I thought I did. I felt a lonely tear fall down my cheek, as I rolled my fingers around the night sky. I didn't know what I was crying about, but I was way too high to stop it. 

Alessandro POV.

That morning, we were all exhausted. I couldn't assume any of us got a lot of sleep after the... incident? I had no idea what to call it.

We were all sitting in the kitchen except for Lorenzo and Eli. Matteo cooked some eggs and bacon, while I just chugged more coffee down my throat. I might have a caffeine addiction, but I wasn't going to focus on that.

All our heads turned when we heard footsteps coming down the stairs. The second Lorenzo turned the corner, he was faced with a million questions.

"How are they?"

"What happened?"

"Who's with them now?!"

Lorenzo just sighed, as I handed him a cup of coffee, already knowing what he needed.