Four Page Letters (TeacherxStudent)

Chapter 21

Dear Ms. Dandridge

Time has done nothing for me. I wonder how it has been treating you. I wonder if I have crossed your mind as much as you do mine. I wonder if you think about that night often. If the memory spawns in your head at an ungodly hour. Playing over and over in your mind like a broken record. No? Maybe just me...

Ive been trying to move on from you. Telling myself I need to let you go. Maybe I should find someone my own age. Somewhere in the world there may be someone praying for a girl like me. But that wouldn't be fair right? They're praying for me while I'm asking God to save you for me. Keep you warm whilst I cannot. How naive is that? I thought I was doing us both a favor by breaking things off for good. Because I knew thats what you wanted. So I made the decision to walk away because leaving is always easier. But I was wrong. It has been hell on earth. Knowing you know how I feel about you made this all the more worse. It was easy loving you in secret. Stealing glances here and there. Admiring you from afar. I didn't have to worry about any heart break.

I sometimes think I should hate you. I mean.. I have the right to. You literally took my virginity then broke up with me the next morning. How fucked is that? Literally every girls worse nightmare. I will never forget the way I felt when you said that to me. I was broken. Empty. Completely shattered. And .. maybe a little dirty. But the stupid lovesick girl in me will not stop trying to see things from your point of view. Because honestly I understood what you were saying but for God sakes couldn't you have said it better? Then you kept saying "I can't ask you to wait for me until you graduate" but you've never even asked me! You don't get to make the decision for me, give me a chance. I've been in love with you for so long I would wait until the end of time for you! I cant help but feel that all of this could've been avoided had you simply just asked me. I would've said yes in a heart beat.

But you didnt. Does that keep you up at night? Knowing we could've had something special. A love so pure and innocent. Even if it didnt happen right now. I would've been okay. I would find comfort in knowing that in a few months time that would all change, rather than having to carry on dwindling in the uncertainty. Knowing there's a strong possibility we wont even speak to one another again. If you truly love someone you would do anything to be with them. You would fight for them and figure out something to make things work. But it seemed so easy for you to just.. throw that away. Throw me away. Did you really love me? Did you say that only because you knew how I felt about you all along? I dont know what to believe any more. It could have been so simple Ms. Dandridge. I would have waited.

You may notice the formality when I say your name. You see, I dont feel like I have a right to call you by your first name anymore. We no longer share experiences on a personal level. Besides, it hurts to even think about you. I dare not say your name aloud. Oh, Laura came back. And she came back ten times harder than ever before. Hence the crutches. Yup. She pushed me backwards down the stairs so hard I fell and broke my leg. And of course she left me there. I guess she freaked out knowing she really fucked up this time. This wasnt a bruise I could cover with long sleeves. Or a black eye that would go unseen with a touch of make up or sun glasses. Oh no, this was grounds for a trip to the hospital.

So after she stormed out and technically left me for dead, thank God my phone was in my back pocket and I was able to call Abby and ask her to take me to the hospital. Of course that meant I had to finally tell her everything. All about my mishaps in life. The shitty hand I was dealt by God himself. I explained everything to her through glossy eyes as we were on the way to the hospital. But long story short, I knew there would be people there—asking all sorts of questions. Questions I've tried my hardest to avoid. Since I am eighteen I no longer needed a guardian. The cops granted me a restraining order against Laura. They said they would look for her and she would be arrested and blah blah blah. Im not holding my breath on that one. They have to catch her first. And Laura is the the type of person who knows how to get lost. She can hide out for months on end. But Abby helped me change the locks at the house. She also got her father to install a security system for me.

Im glad I have her. She's extraordinary. She's really the best friend I could have ever asked for. She's actually the reason im writing this letter to you. When I first got back to school with my crutches, we were standing at my locker as she was helping me get books for my class. She told me how you were at the end of the hallway staring straight at me. My back was turned to you so I couldnt see for myself. She said at one point you began walking down the hallway towards us but you stopped halfway. She said you just dropped your head and turned around and went back to your classroom and shut the door. I think about that day a lot. What would you have said to me? Would you have taken me in your arms right then and there? Tell me how everything's going to be just fine and you'll never leave me again? I know.. wishful thinking. But Abby thought since I liked to write so much I should do this letter for you. Just to get everything off my chest. Ohh.. Abby knows about our.. encounters? But don't worry. I trust her with everything in me and she wont tell a soul.

I hate that our experience was so short lived. I've always wanted to dive into your head, pick apart your thoughts. Learn from you. Find out what makes you happy. What makes you mad. Explore your mind.. and body. I would be lying if I said I don't miss you. Honestly, missing you is all I do these days. I miss looking into your eyes and I miss you smiling at me. This past month has flown by and Christmas break is coming up next week. I don't know what I will do. Abby will be out of town visiting with family. She extended an invitation but I declined. I didn't really have much of an excuse. I think part of me is hoping you'd come by my place. We'd talk about that night and all would be forgiven. I dont know. Its crazy how you broke my heart, yet you're the only person I want to fix it. My God woman, what type of hold do you have over me?

I guess I'll close this letter out. Abby said she would give it to you Friday afternoon before we leave on Christmas break. I hope you're well. I hope time has been kind to you. I want you to know that I'm okay. I don't blame you for anything nor do I hate you—although I have reason to. You're the only person to ever show any interest in me. To actually care about my well being. To get me trust you completely and show you my scars, tell you my secrets. Who would drive across town in the middle of the night just to ensure my safety. I love you Ms. Dandridge. You were my first experience with love. And although we got it wrong, I believe in second chances. Maybe one day we'll find our way back to one another. Until then you will be my favorite memory, and my love for you will stand till the end of time.

               Be Well
    Charlotte Elizabeth Avery
    "Charlie"

A/N: I love Charlotte. Her innocence and openness when it comes to love. How after all that happened and Rosalynn being a little bitch (😭😂) to her has not altered her feelings. My girl is in love bad. I love to see it. 💕