Escape

Loneliness is a Dish You Serve Yourself

It sucks.

This really fucking sucks.

Seeing how hurt she is.

I was never intending on seeing them ever again, it was easy to stay away. And I'm sure part of them knew that. They had left me alone, let me do my own thing and pretend that they only had three kids instead of four.

That's why the only avenger that truly knew I existed was Nat. (Well, besides Peter, but that's another story and besides the point.) And she refused to let me go completely rogue on my own. She made sure to keep in touch, made sure I wasn't truly alone. She was a rock for me when I was drifting off.

And it's for this reason that I believe Clint, (or should I say my dad? Eh, Clint) called me.

He knew we were still really close and that if someone was going to know something, theres a very strong chance I would. At any rate, he knew I couldn't stand to see her in this predicament or worse.

What had me even more perplexed than him contacting me was the on how he was able to get ahold of me. But I figured pretty quickly that Nat must have given him the information every time I changed it, just in case. They must have had it this whole time.

I guess it's a good thing she did. Because I bet none of us expected to be sat around a table trying to find evidence that Nat didn't leave shield to follow hydra, that she hasn't been a double agent this whole time.

None of us believe it, but they somehow have some pretty damning proof, though they won't share what it is.

And I tried. Oh, how I tried to get it out of them before I came back to this place. If I could have gotten what they know, I could have just passed along the information and went on my own search. But I didn't. So I couldn't. And I'm here.

And the more we lack the evidence to disprove their statement against Nat, the harder it is to find anyone or anything willing to stand against it.

The harder it is to believe that just maybe.. maybe.

Not that I want to believe Nat is capable of this sort of thing. I never would have in a million years before.

But she never told me she had a sister. And I thought we shared everything with each other. I know I did, to the best of my ability. So it feels sort of like a stab in the back that she kept it from me. I just can't imagine why.

I don't see why she wanted to keep it from me..Yes, Yelena is a little closed off, but so was Nat. The thought that she didn't want me to date her sister quickly flashed through my brain, but I shook that off. Why wouldn't she want me to? Also, it doesn't seem like Yelena would be at all interested..

Not the point.

So why? Why keep her a secret? And from me especially.

I'd like to ask Yelena why Nat would do this, why keep her from me, but it's very apparent Nat never told Yelena about me. I thought I was important to her, yet she kept so much from me.

As if I'm one to talk.

I know I was more.. distant lately. But still. Hiding a whole sister? It's not like she just fell to earth a few days ago and Nat didn't know it. She does know about her, right? She has to. Yeah. She knows.

Okay, enough. I'm getting too far off topic.

Because there's another reason Nat could be awol. One that we've all been dancing around because everyone is afraid to say it out loud. Afraid to say the words, to make it all seem more real.

Natasha lost the love of her life.

And when Spencer died, Natashas entire world went with it.

I never had the chance to get to know Spencer, but the way Nat talked about her.. well, her running from reality seems like the most likely option to me.