Four Page Letters (TeacherxStudent)

Chapter 4

Jack was a lawyer working at the local firm, but whenever the position of partner came he was always overlooked. And Jack was very hardworking and he definitely deserved the title. So after another year or so when he didn't get the promotion yet again—he decided to leave the firm and venture off to start up his own company. It was a decision he made for the both of us. I had no input whatsoever. He made us pack up our lives and move from our hometown of Dallas, Texas to the great state of California.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with California. But I am certainly a country girl at heart. And I always will be. I didn't know anyone out here, we didn't have any family here either. The stress of starting his own company began to take a toll on our marriage. We weren't necessarily broke, but only having one source of income living in California... yeah. Things are expensive. I was lucky to even land a job at the High School. Eventually the company took off and things started to fall into place. He was bringing in more money than ever. Things just seemed... good. That was until I mentioned starting a family.

We were already four years into our marriage and we had yet to have any children. Whenever I mentioned it, he shut me out. He would always say "now isn't the right time" or "the company is doing so well we don't have time to raise a kid" blah blah blah. Knowing how he felt about the situation, didn't make things any better when three months after that I had to tell him I was pregnant. And that conversation did not blow over well.

He totally blew up on me. He said we were not ready for a baby. He couldn't commit to raising a child when he was already 'raising a company'. We had a huge fight as he kept telling me I had to get rid of it. And there was no way in hell I was going to do that. The whole thing put a strain on our marriage as if it hadn't been there before. Regardless, I was excited to start that chapter of my life even if it meant I would be a single mother. But sadly, it never happened. I think the stress of everything just got to me. I wasn't mentally in the head space to prepare for a baby. With all that was going on with Jack and I ... I don't know. We argued constantly whenever we shared the same space. It was horrible. But when I told Jack that I had miscarried he tried his best to console me but failed miserably. It was almost as if he was relieved. In fact I knew he was.

And thats when I knew I no longer desired to be in this marriage.

From then on—everything he did annoyed me. We started to grow apart but neither of us wanted to admit it. Our marriage was in shambles. But for some reason I wouldn't leave him. I knew it was over, he knew. But we never made that step. To this day I have no idea why I stayed in an unhappy marriage. Even when I had a feeling Jack had become unfaithful. Which turned to be true, I stayed. I just wouldn't even let him touch me. Resulting in a two year drought. Yes, I haven't had any physical interactions in two years. Knowing I should've just left, I had nothing to lose. I still had a job, the house was in my name—seeing how he didn't have a dime when we moved. I don't know what was stopping me. But Jack was all I knew. I didn't want to pick up and move back to Dallas. So instead of leaving, I stayed and let myself be miserable.

But a couple years ago I went out to a bar. And it was only after I arrived I realized what kind of bar it was. I never got out much, only if I was with Jack and his friends from the firm and there wives. But I knew there was a bar about half an hour from me. So while my husband was out being unfaithful—I'm sure, I decided to doll myself up and take myself out for a drink. Once I got to the club, I took a seat at the bar and ordered a drink. I looked around and noticed a few sets of eyes watching me. And they all belonged to women.

It wasn't until a young woman approached me I realized what I had gotten myself into. And she was beautiful I have to admit. Beautiful golden hair, about my height. Gorgeous brown eyes and the tannest skin ever. Her name was Elizabeth and she was also a teacher, but for kindergarten. We talked for a while and she made a few advances at me. She told me how beautiful I was, and how shes never seen anyone like me. She told me I had the cutest dimple amongst other compliments. But as clueless as I was I didn't even notice her flirtatious behavior and we literally talked for hours. She then flat out asked if I was sure I was a lesbian because I had been ignoring all of her advances and I almost chocked on my drink. I told her I was not, and she proceeded to ask what was I doing in a lesbian bar.

Mindfuck for sure.

I explained I had never been here before and just came out to get a drink. Long story short, we laughed about it and exchanged numbers. We're actually very good friends now. But that night made me realize something I had been missing from my marriage. Attention. I admit, it felt pretty good to even have women admiring me. Giving me compliments, making me feel... wanted. Which is something my husband had stopped doing a long time ago when he decided to give that attention to another woman.

So here we are. After six years of marriage and eight years of being together, I decided to file for a divorce that very next day. And honestly it took that night at the bar for me to realize I didn't deserve to be unhappy. And that there were even women who would love to even get to know me. And thats all it took. So I'm about to become a single woman, who is almost thirty years old with no children.

I heard the front door shut as I ran the water into my jacuzzi tub. Hoping he is gone for the weekend. I let him stay in one of the guest bedrooms since I filed. Trying to be nice and give him time to get a place of his own. But here we are two years later —he has yet to sign the divorce papers — and my patience is wearing thin. Once the bath was drawn, I stripped down and climbed inside. Finally relaxing after an eventful evening. Im hoping Charlotte will at least text me over the weekend and let me know she was doing okay. She's a beautiful girl and I have a strange feeling she is in that house all alone. There are so many questions I want to ask her. And tomorrow I plan on trying to piece together whatever it was she had thrown out. I cant quite figure out why, but she is heavily on my mind...