Mind Full of Roses // Peter Parker

2.11: Medicine

Yelena knew something was wrong as soon as I shut the front door behind me. She stares at me for a second before pulling me onto the sofa and placing Cheddar on my knee before going to the kitchen to make some tea.

I hopes she wouldn't notice but as Cheddar readjusts, I realise that it was futile. Yelena has been with me through thick and thin; she would notice if I looked a bit down in the dumps.

Hopefully she knows why I had to do what I did. Maybe she did the same thing, but I know as soon as the thought crosses my mind that it is probably wrong; Yelena wouldn't abandon someone because time got a bit tough.

That's what I did though, didn't I? I abandoned Peter. No matter how many times I try and convince myself that it was the right thing to do, a tiny voice always points out my doubts. Right now the voice is screaming at me, talking through a megaphone and right into my brain, telling me how stupid I was to have done that; and it's not wrong.

Yelena walks in slowly, staring at the two cups of tea in her hands as she concentrates not to spill a drop of the scalding liquid. I notice her tongue slightly sticking out from between her lips as she comes closer. Eventually, she places the shaking cups onto the coffee table and collapses next to me, her hand idly stroking Cheddar's dozing head as she focuses her attention on me.

"So," Yelena says hesitantly, as though trying to find the right course of action to talk to me with. "How was school?"

Absolutely shit. "It was okay, I guess."

Yelena looks at me suspiciously, her brow raised as she tries and spots my tell, showing her that I'm lying. But the Red Room trained me too well to not hide when I'm lying.

Her eyes scan over my face before resting on my eyes. She stares at me for a couple of seconds before sighing and looking at her cup. "You know, if it means anything, I had a hard time after the Red Room as well." I look at Yelena in surprise, she hadn't ever spoken about her time at the Academy before. "I was supposed to be at the experiment as well, but a mission came up and Dreykov thought it best if I was the one to do it. It was my first proper mission, my first proper kill. I still remember her face as she plead for mercy." Yelena looks down blankly, as though reliving the moment right now. "I still fell guilty about it now, about all of them. Natasha is the same. You can't go through something like that and expect to be fine afterwards, it's how you respond to it that matters. You can't just shut people out because thats how you heal; those people you meet are like your medicine, they help you overcome everything. Even now, you and Nat are my medicine."

Yelena looks at me with a faint smile and I get a glimpse of how she was before; innocent and carefree, her only worry about overdue homework. She should've stayed like that, we all should've stayed like it. Including me.

I take a deep breath, trying to clear my throat from any tears before more arrive. "Have you... have you ever pushed someone away because you care for them and everyone you've ever cared for has gotten hurt in some way?"

Yelena looks at me sadly. "Roselyn..." She trails of, pulling me into a hug and I gratefully accept. She smells floral, completely fresh without a hint of sweat. It's comforting, yet reminds me of someone that used to be the brightest star in my world but has long since burned out. I feel tears dampening her striped vest top. Yelena rests her chin on top of my head. "Is this about Peter?"

I nod from under her chin and feel her grip tighten around me. "I didn't want him getting even more hurt. He already got threatened by Eden and I don't want him to get killed because of me."

I feel Yelena smiling slightly and I look up at her. She nods at me, as though she understands everything that I'm going through.
And she does. I've been so caught up in my own self-worry that I've complemented forgotten that Yelena has been in my position; yet where I've had help, Yelena had no one to lean on when things got hard.

Yelena squeezes my shoulders at places a kiss on my hair. "I can't tell you how to live your life, Roselyn. But I can tell you that you'll figure this out, I know you will. You and Peter are close than you realise."

I feel any cheeks prickle with heat, even more so when I become conscious of the red tinge.

Yelena gets up and places her empty cup in the sink before shooting me a comforting smile and shutting her bedroom door behind her, leaving me alone.

Usually many thoughts would have occupied my attention by now, yet only one is present: have I made a mistake?

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AN: Hi

Who u texting?
Ur mum

Bye
- Jess