cardigan [h.s.]

Chapter 39

Diana

Nothing can ever prepare you for the moment when the final nail is hammered into coffin and everything to finish crumbling around you, so there is nothing left when the smoke clears.

There's not some big red sign alerting you that if you continue down the road you're heading down, you are going to get into an accident that leaves your heart paralyzed and gripped tightly in a vice that you think it's going to drip out in front of you, and leave stains on your shoes and dress.

And that moth instead of butterflies feeling comes back. The bad feeling that chases up your spine in unease. The one where you instead of just imagining what the impact of the car will feel like against your skin.

Because this time they finally run the red light.

And instead of the feel of flying, you're falling because the bones begin to crush.

The glass shatters and you no longer feel anything because the world turns dark and everything goes to shit.

It's that kind of feeling.

Nothing can prepare you for it.

Nothing at all.

"Diana!" I turn towards the person who just called my name and I instantly regret it when I see Benson walking towards me. A look of determination and a slight smirk pulled on her lips.

I have no idea what she could want. It's the last day before winter break and all I really want to do is find Harry and go home. There's no game tonight and his coach was kind enough to let them have the day off from practice since it's winter break. And I think he always wanted to give Harry a break after everything with the paper happened a couple days ago.

Harry has been pretty good since the day it actually happened. He tries his best to ignore the different way everyone looks at me because there's nothing he can do to change the fact they all now know his big secret.

I've tried to get him to talk all of it with me, just to keep in the know of how he's feeling, but for the most part he shuts me down every time. He doesn't even want to talk about where he went that day.

I think he just needed that day to act and feel whatever he needed and now he's going around like it doesn't bother him. When deep inside I can see it's eating him up on the inside. He hates the way people view him differently or whisper about him like he's not even there.

But even then, I was still looking forward to getting to spend the night with him. Watch a movie and just for a moment let ourselves and everything else stay still for more than a minute.

I sigh out of annoyance as she continues to walk towards me and I wait with my arms crossed and hip popped out.

"What do you want Benson?" I ask when she finally reaches me.

"We need to talk," she states.

"I don't think we do," I say. "I think I remember you telling me that you didn't want to be friend or anything."

She chuckles, "Oh we definitely need to talk about this."

"What could you possibly have to say to me?" And I wait for her to get on with whatever bullshit she wants to talk about. I don't know if I quite buy the act that she wants to talk and be friendly. The only thing she could want to say to me is something snarky or bitchy like always.

Can you really blame me for not thinking she finally grew a nice bone in her body and now wants to act like we're friends who tell each other all our secrets?

Benson looks at me with a smirk on her lips. Something signature of hers whenever she talks to me or really anyone for that matter. "Did you know that Harry goes crazy when you suck on his hipbone?"