I Should've Known: Book Two

Hazel

The last time I've felt this horrible was when my mother came to America and into my dorm room. That was the last time I heard from her.

It's all my fault. That's why I don't have a family. That's why I get their pity. I keep doing this to myself...

Christmas morning. I get up before Adam and go on a run. A very long one. But I eventually I get back with a red nose and blushed cheeks. I finish up my stretches and see Adam come out of the living room with a small smile. He's already dressed up in his cozy clothes and with a small present in his hand.

"Merry Christmas, my dear."

There's a hint of sadness in his smile as he hands me his gift. I give him a thankful kiss and start to open it. I smile when I see a beautiful pendant of the medical insignia.

"I thought it would I look good on your lab coat."

"It's beautiful," I softly say. "Thank you. I'm going to take a shower so I can give you your gift."

"Oh?" He playfully smirks and I can't but laugh.

"I'll be right back."

That laugh. It was the first laugh I've shared with him in weeks. Perhaps Christmas Day is where miracles truly happen. Perhaps this is the day it will all go back to normal. Hazel. Don't ruin it this time.

So I change into cozy clothes, too, and happily hand him his present. He opens it and his eyes grow wide. "No way. A newsboy cap!" I giggle at his happiness as he tries it on. "I've been looking everywhere for this! How did you know I wanted one of these?!"

I put an arm on the couch behind him and run a tender hand down his neck. "A little bird told me."

He smiles wide and his eyes shine for the first time in a long time. He gives my lips a genuine kiss. A warm kiss as it stays there for a long moment. "Thank you, my dear."

I decide to give him another long kiss. I make sure to fill up my empty heart from all those times I would miss his lips. He lets me smile against his lips and savor them until I say, "Do you want hot chocolate or coffee?"

"Hot chocolate!" He gets up and races me to the kitchen. Our giggles finally come back into this place as we make ourselves a small breakfast so we can share on the couch while watching a Christmas movie.

His favorite is Home Alone. Mine is Home Alone 2, so we do a Home Alone marathon. My heart starts to heal and warm up from his coldness these past few weeks. But I close my eyes as he brings me closer. I let it fade away. I let the memories fade for just a moment in his arms. Must I go through so much pain just for that loving look? Just for his heart to hold mine with care.

I'd do anything for it.

The movies finish and we decide to give Madeline a call so we can wish them a Merry Christmas. My heart is so numb from the pain she has also caused that it's so easy to give her a fake smile. The only people that I can genuinely smile to and hug are her parents. I don't know what I'd do if I lose either of them. They are the small glimpse of what I once wanted in my parents.

Once we hang up, Adam gives me a quiet smile as he leans on the counter. I start to pour coffee in my mug this time and look outside the window to beautiful grey skies. My world was close to becoming beautifully quiet until I hear Adam softly say, "I'm sorry."

I turn around to see his sadness back in his eyes. This time they carry guilt. My heart sinks for such expression but I stay silent to listen to what he has to say.

"I'm sorry for saying all those things, Hazel. You mean so much to me. You know that I don't really mean all those things I said on your birthday. My anger and frustration got carried away and I just...I'm sorry. For everything. For not waiting. For not letting you know before I asked you to marry you. I'm sorry. I—"

He stops himself and keeps his mouth tight. There's a few words left in there but he's too afraid to say them. I think I know what he wants to say. He just wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

But he keeps quiet so it's doesn't hurt me anymore. So I put my mug down and lean on the counter so I can tip toe and kiss his lips. My voice is quiet. It's a whisper as I carefully say, "Can't we just start over? Give me some time. I can see myself waking up by your side every morning but my heart...I'm not ready. I want to be completely ready for that moment. I want to be yours only and I want my heart to be strong enough for you to hold. Just give me time, my love. I know I have some things to solve. I still have so much to heal. But as long as your by my side, I won't be so scared to let it heal anymore."

His expression is an odd one. He seems almost confused but there's that sweet sympathy in his eyes. He only nods and says, "Are you hurting now?"

I hesitate and think of his question. I'm hurting because of so many things that have happened to me in the past, but I don't understand what he means by the question. His eyes are dark as he searches for something within me. What is he looking for? What is the answer he needs?

A yes? Is that all it takes to have his heart?

So I say yes with this question. I give him a nod and say, "I am still healing. That's why I ask you to give me time. I know that if we wait, my heart will be ready for you when I completely become yours."

There it is. He's gotten his answer to something as he stands straight and realization makes his eyes shine. They shine just like the first time we met and I can't help but smile. I tip toe to reach for his lips and wrap my arms around his neck.

At first, he hesitates. His lips seem to be unfamiliar to the feeling of my lips until he lets his muscles relax and gently holds me.

My heart finally begins to fly again. I know that as long as we gently hold each other, we will make it. My heart will finally be his and I don't have to run away anymore.

I can finally say yes.