My Big Secret

20. Coming back.... to sorrow

Picture of Gerard Taylor <3

**********

Chapter 20: Coming back....to sorrow

Gerard Taylor's POV (Soph, Jake, Alex and Jack's dad)

Sitting by my daughter's side I couldn't help but think where the fuck was I, what the fuck have I been doing for the last year? My children needed me and I just left them. I left my sons to be leaders of my pack and I left my Daughter in the dark of what we are. I couldn't believe I had been so selfish. They needed me and I just left because of their mother. I knew that Jane would have hated me for leaving: how on earth was I supposed to look at them every single day and act like I was fine when clearly I wasn't. I had missed so much; I had missed my daughter's sixteenth birthday party or my son's nineteenth. I felt like the worst father on earth. Correction I was the worst father in the world. As I stared at my sweet Sophia's face I couldn't believe how much she had changed. Her black limp thin her, which was once a fair, pale golden colour. Her creamy dry white skin which had once been lightly tanned. Jake had informed me that she was mates with Ashton Carter. The word 'WAS' caught me out. I was fucking mad with that son of a bitch. No one and I mean no one treats my daughter like that. I still couldn't believe that Sophie knew she was adopted and that she had found her birth dad! She was still my daughter though, no matter what she was still mine, adopted or not. So much I had missed, I was willing to make amends and be there again but without Sophie it would just be different and hard.

If only I had come as soon as Jake told me, I would have least got to see Sophie conscious. Spending the last year in Ireland where I'm originally from. All I did when I was in Ireland was being free, free from stress, life but it wasn't the same I was alone in life. I stayed in my parents house which they left for me when thet died, I tried to reform a new pack but I needed my family with me. I maneged to have only five wolves join my small pack, they lived in the house I was living in as well. It wasn't the same though; every single day I thought about my children, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about them or Jane, their mother. Even though I had given Jake my number, everything was different I hardly called him and kept contact with him the only times he would ring was just to see how I was. I never rang him, how I wished I did.

Taking Sophie's hand in my own I squeezed it lightly.

"Honey if you can hear me squeeze my hand," I said looking at Sophie. She was still as a rock apart from the slight movement of her chest going up and down, with human eyes it would be very difficult to see the moving of her chest but since I was a wolf it was crystal clear. I glanced at the machine which was keeping track of her heartbeat; 55 beats per minute. Not enough not even for a baby! The line graph of her heart was in a steady pace but she was still alive just unconscious.

"Soph I know you may not be able to hear me but don't give up! Keep fighting please! Sweetheart I'm begging you, don't give up! You're not alone; you have me, your brothers and your real dad. I'm always gonna be your dad and I'm always going to be there for you, honey. Please wake up!" I said to her.

I waited for a few minutes for her to squeeze my hand but nothing happened. Sighing I sunk back into my seat but I didn't let go off her hand. Remembering I had brought her a present from Ireland, I took it out me my jacket pocket and fastened it around her skinny cold wrist. I had gotten her a charm bracelet. I knew she loved them like mad but this wasn't just any charm bracelet: it was a simple chain with charms of; four leaf clovers, a little Irish leprechaun, a letter S, O and T her initials, and a little charm of her favourite animal a monkey. Smiling I let go of her hand I placed it on top of her stomach.

"Honey, remember that time when you were five years old, it was summer. You sat out on the porch all day for an ice cream van to drive past. It had gone seven at night and you were still sitting there, you wouldn't come back in not unless you had an ice cream in your hands. You fell asleep and I had to carry you in, it was funny because in your sleep you said 'hmmmm yummy ice cream'," I chuckled as I remembered the memory.