Strictly Professional

61: Devotion

ELLE
Say You Won't Let Go-James Arthur

I never thought I'd feel disappointed over getting my period.

It came perfectly on time, not even a day late, robbing me of developing even the slightest hope that maybe it worked, that I had managed to get pregnant over the few days Niall and I had been actively trying. I forced myself to be fine with it. I wasn't ovulating when we tried, so that was a big probability why it happened. I didn't want to accept that the doctor I had seen once was right. I refused to believe I couldn't have children. Not yet. Not before we had properly tried.

Niall watched me curiously from his spot in a plush armchair in our living room, taking his hat off as he had just returned home. I weakly smiled, walking over to him and sitting onto the armrest. His hand went to my hip, steadying me as he looked up with a smile of his own.

"Hi." He soothingly spoke, his eyes studying my face carefully.

"Hey. How was golfing with Liam?" I asked, honestly curious about his answer. When he announced the plans the two of them had made a few days back, I couldn't help but burst out in laughter. It was amusing to me, how Niall hated his guts once and now they were close to becoming best friends. Niall groaned at my question, rolling his eyes.

"An absolute embarrassment. Thank God no one was there to witness it."

"That bad, huh?" He chuckled, gently rubbing my thigh.

"You have no idea. Half the times, he didn't even hit the ball."

"Oh God." I lightly laughed, just picturing the whole scene in my head.

"Yeah, it's gonna take a while until he can actually play a proper match." He sighed, pushing a hand through his hair to get it away from his forehead. I nodded, making a conscious effort to keep smiling.

"What did you do all morning?" He asked after a few silent seconds, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration as he watched me. I shuffled uncomfortably, trying to conceal just how terrible I had been feeling.

"Nothing much. Just caught up with some laundry." I shrugged my shoulders, twisting my engagement ring around with my other hand as an odd habit I've developed since I began wearing it. He glanced down, catching onto the nervous habit before I had time to stop.

"Babe, what's wrong?" His eyebrows creased together, his hand gripping my hip as it wrapped around my waist in a reassuring manner. I rarely got anxious, but whenever I did the only way he could calm me down was physical contact, no matter how small. And he knew that, hence why he made sure I could feel the pressure of his hand on my hip.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me." He smiled ever so softly, his cheeks still a bit red from being out in the sun on the golf course all morning. I sighed deeply, knowing deep down that he'd be disappointed by the news even if he wouldn't show it as to not make me feel worse. Swallowing hard, I decided to rip the band aid and say it, knowing that just postponing it wouldn't change the fact.

"I got my period." His eyebrows lifted at my words, realisation of what that entailed kicking in slowly in him. He nodded, sucking in a deep breath before releasing it again.

"Okay. That's normal right? I mean, we can't expect we'd get it on our first try." He repeated things I've said to him a couple days back, trying to keep his expectations low in hopes of avoiding him getting disappointed. And even though those are things I kept telling myself, I still felt tears gathering in my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I swallowed hard, my throat becoming dry and rough. He shook his head, taking ahold of both my hips to lift me off the armrest.

"Baby, you have nothing to be sorry about." He tugged me closer, making me sit on his lap instead. Swinging my hand over his shoulders to gain balance as he had me fully sat on him, I tucked my head into the side of his neck.