Strictly Professional

51: Adore You

ELLE
I've Been Waiting For You-ABBA

"No." I shook my head, hoping the tears in my eyes wouldn't betray me by falling. I gulped, practically hearing his heart breaking along with mine.

"Why the fuck not Elle?" His hurt was turning into anger, a defense mechanism of his I was very familiar with. He enclosed the ring in his fist, pushing my hand away from his face.

"I-I can't. Not like this." He scoffed at my response, getting up from the bed before putting the ring back in its box, tossing it onto the bedding in front of me before pulling a pair of boxers on.

"I thought I meant something to you. I thought you'd wanna be with me for the rest of your life." His disappointment was masked by anger. Terrified by how much he had misunderstood my intentions, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back towards the bed, kneeling onto it to have my face closer to his.

"You do. You mean everything to me Niall. And I wanna marry you one day, believe me. But think this through. You're rushing." I spoke quickly, hoping I'd make him understand. His gaze softened just barely and I let go of the duvet to wrap my arms around his shoulders. My chest was completely exposed, but neither of us cared at that moment.

"You don't really want it to happen like that. You're scared of the distance and you're trying to find a way to eliminate it. This is not the answer, it's way too soon for us and deep down you know that." I kept going, grasping the opportunity of his calm response to run my hand through the short hair at the side of his head. I could see his Adam's apple bounce as he swallowed, wanting to give into my touch but resisting.

"I thought you loved me." He muttered, giving me one last blow to shatter my heart completely.

"I do love you, more than I've ever loved anyone. You're all I ever needed in my life. Please, don't let this come between us. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." I was pouring my heart out to him, for the first time in the entirety of my life not holding back on expressing my emotions. I didn't even realise I had began crying until I got a salty taste of one tear that reached my lips. His hand took ahold of my wrist and I knew he was aiming to pull my arms away. But I refused to let him, tightening my grip and pulling him even closer.

"Don't leave me, please. I know you want to run. I know I hurt you. I'm sorry, but I can't do what you're asking me to without being completely ready for it. You don't deserve it. You deserve the world, and you deserve to be happy. I wanna make you happy, but I need more time." I was talking nonsense, but maybe through all the rambling I managed to hit a nerve. He breathed out heavily, his hands releasing mine and going to my waist instead. My breath hitched at the unexpected contact.

"I could never leave you. I can barely go a couple months without you. You're right, this is not how I want it to happen. I wanna propose to you in a way you'll never forget, I want us to celebrate our love with our families. I wanna see you in a wedding dress, walking down the aisle to me while some dumb wedding music plays. I want you to have the wedding of your dreams, because I hope you'll only get to do it once, with me." I was able to relax a bit by his words, relieved that he was no longer angry. He wiped my tears away, pushing me back gently to give himself room to lie back down.

"The wedding of my dreams is the one where you're the groom. I don't care about anything else. I wanna be your wife one day Ni, believe me. I'm not saying no to getting married to you, I'm saying no to doing it now, so unexpectedly and rushed." I was finally able to explain myself to him, propping myself onto his chest as he laid on his back. He released a heavy breath, sitting up just enough to take the box back in his hands before relaxing on his back again.