Clouds 𝓸𝓯 Grey || #3 [working on editing]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭.

"Hey, look at me. Hey, hey." Hanniel was still holding me. I was too weak to push his hands off of me.

"Breathe in, breathe out. Take it slowly. You'll be fine." He instructed, eyes glazing with worry.

I did as he said. More reluctantly than ever but anything to not be suffocated.

I was having a panic attack.

Again.

I shrugged off my backpack weakly and unzipped it, bringing out my medication and downing a harmful overdose.

"Shit, is that safe?" Hanniel cussed.

The driver arrived.

I wasn't even sure what timing it was.

But it was an impassive timing.

I removed Hanniel's hands from my arms and managed to stand. I didn't look at him.

Which was probably the most ungrateful thing to do but I couldn't.

In all honesty.

And so I walked off, leaving Hanniel without looking back.

꧁꧂

~H A N N I E L~

I watched her have a panic attack.

Because I touched her.

Because I touched her.

Because I touched her.

I watched her have a panic attack. When I called her name.

She wasn't able to breathe. She was crying.

She couldn't even stand on her own.

"Hanniel, baby, are you okay?" Mum walked into the kitchen. I shook my head to collect my thoughts.

"Uh, yeah." I nodded and stared at the coffee in front of me, already running cold on the kitchen island.

Mum took a swig of her fruit juice, "Your Dad sent his regards, he'll be here on Sunday." She told me and I stilled.

"Why is he coming back?" The words spilled out of my mouth coldly.

Mum turned to face me, looked at me with confusion. "You don't look fine. Are you okay, honey?"

I saw what she did.

"Why is he coming back?" I asked again.

"He's your dad, Han." Mum said. "He still loves you. Yes, I admit that things weren't working out for us at the time. But, for you, we're trying to be strong here."

I was supposed to be happy.

But why did I feel betrayed?

"It's not a game." I stood up. "You two can't just keep playing however you want!"

There.

Stupid, fucked up emotions.

In this moment.

Fucked up.

I hated having this conversation with my mum.

Or my dad.

"No, Han-" Mum took a step closer.

I looked away.

We all had problems.

Problematic problems.

These were mine.

Dealing with insecurity and paranoia.

Running away from reality, like a coward.

Like a fucking coward.

On the exterior, I had a perfect life. Like the one in books, movies.

But inside, my cowardliness was eating me up.

~Epilogue/special bonus/~

It was raining again.

His favorite weather.

His mother was out on a trip, his father probably enjoying himself somewhere since he had split with his mother.

He closed his eyes, letting the rain pour all over him.

The weather was harsh, cold yet gentle.

It was freezing, numbing yet peaceful.

He spread his arms widely in the air, his tears a contrast to the feeling of the rain on his cheeks.

"Life." He smiled. "This is your life, Hanniel. Just you. No one else."

"Just you."

~

our baby hanniel :(
btw, don't forget this moment bc our boy hanniel is literally all sunshine. he's hardly ever about his insecurities all in his head soo...
and komisola had a panic attack.
what do you think caused it?