MASON AND SAGE

Chapter 3 ~ Sage

The hardest part of staying strong is staying strong when you're at your weakest. The truth is, I missed Mason in a thousand and one different, little ways, seemingly insignificant ways, the ways you take for granted and don't think about until they're no longer part of your life.

His sleep-roughened voice calling to me if he woke up and I wasn't next to him in bed.

His calloused hands on my skin.

His warm lips whispering filthy, dirty promises to me in public.

His arms enfolding me from behind, tugging me close.

His smile when I catch him just looking at me.

His eyes going from warm to hot when I appear in my sweats and tank, messy bun and all.

His happy smile when he brings me flowers.

His just-because-I-missed you calls.

His texts.

Well, his texts haven't stopped so I haven't had to miss those.

Mason: I love you. I love you. I want to say that to you every day first thing when we wake up and last thing before we go to bed at night and hundreds of times in between.

It was after that first text that I texted him back for the first and last time: Wrong number. This is Sage, not Eva.

After that, total radio silence on my end.

I know I hurt you. It kills me. Being without you is like being without my heart. 

If I apologized a million times a day for the rest of my life, it still wouldn't come close to telling you how sorry I am.

There is no good reason for hurting my everything for someone who is nothing to me. Any words I say are just weak excuses. I wish I could say it meant something because otherwise I hurt you for nothing. But that's exactly what happened. She means nothing to me, what happened with her meant nothing to me. You mean everything.

We come back to it just being a lot of words to convey how sorry I am and they don't do anything to help your pain. More than anything I want to take away your pain.

I can just hear your response to that: well, maybe you shouldn't have fucked up. And you'd be right. I will never understand why I did what I did. But I do know that it wasn't because I had any feelings for her or desired her in any way. There is no part of my heart that belongs to her. It all belongs to you.

I'm done hammering at you tonight. I'm sorry, kitten, and I love you with every part of me. I'll keep saying that until you believe me.

His texts I read over and over again, my heart in absolute tatters at his words, at his emotions. I know this man, or I thought I did, and I don't understand how someone who professes to care for me like he does could do that to me.

The next day at work, around lunch time, there was a massive food drop for us from a local Italian restaurant. It was set up in the break room and we all popped in and indulged as we had time. After I'd finished eating and was heading back to work, Daria stopped me and handed me a note card that was addressed to me.

Kitten, I miss making your lunch every day so I'll just have to provide it for you. Make sure you eat, Sage. Don't be so busy you forget. I hate not being there to watch over you and make sure you're taking care of yourself. I love you.

Daria was watching me read the note, a funny smile on her face. "Flowers, lunches. Sounds like somebody is missing you."

I gave her what I hoped was a mysterious, Mona Lisa-like smile and shrugged.