Memory Lane

Chapter 17. Rebuild or Return

Jax

Gemma pulled into her driveway and parked the car. I didn't notice how nervous I was to go inside until I saw that the light from the kitchen was on. Nero's car was parked in the driveway and so was Desiree's. My curiosity stroked me but so did my cowardice. I mean, how was I going to face Desiree after what happened at the clubhouse with Tara? What could I possibly say to her during this time? She had just come back into our lives and already got into a fistfight with the 'doctor' of the club.

"Baby, she'll understand," my mom said speaking to my thoughts. But her words fell on deaf ears as I urged her to go inside while I took a smoke break. She reluctantly agreed and went inside her house with her belongings. I didn't notice how long I was outside for because my goal was to just smoke until I was calmed. But then I heard the door open and a shadow appear in the night.

My heart started to pound as the shadow grew smaller and I recognized the small stature and freshly cut hair. I clenched my eyes shut and silently counted to five until I was brave enough to open them again. "Jax?" her delicate voice called out to me and I opened my eyes to look at her. She had bruises on her arms and chest and a few random scratches that were a bright red. Her cheek was a gross purple from where Tara had landed her first punch. Her hands were also badly bruised and a little banged up from the fight.

My mouth dropped as I prepared to let out a series of apologies, but Desiree brought her hand up to silence me. "Before you say anything, I want to apologize for something that I said to your wife. I was the one who told her that about you dreaming about me, and I'm sorry if I did any damage to your relationship. I wasn't thinking straight at all and there isn't anything I can say to explain why I thought it was appropriate. I was being selfish."

My eyebrows raised in astonishment as Desiree poured out to me. I was curious as to how Tara had found out about my dream, and now I was even more curious as to how Desiree found out about it. "Who told you?" she shifted uncomfortably and didn't meet my gaze. "Desiree," I approached her slowly and she swallowed a lump in her throat, "Lyla told me because she overheard your conversation with Opie. I didn't plan on telling Tara, I had no reason to, it was supposed to be just one big joke! Tara came by the clubhouse and she was being all snooty and accusatory, and it just slipped out."

I could tell she was bothered by what Tara had said to her from the scrunched-up look she got on her face from the memory. "Hey," I shook my head, "don't even worry about it. If anyone should be apologizing right now, it should be me. My relationship with Tara has been struggling since you got back, you didn't do anything that wasn't brewing anyway."

The words flew out of my mouth without so much as a thought. I didn't realize how awful they were until I noticed Desiree's facial expression. It was a mix of horrified and sad. "Desiree, damn, I didn't mean it that way!" my mind raced to find the right words, to make her know that this wasn't in any way her fault.

"Look, me and Tara are not together anymore."

"Is that my fault?" Desiree's eyes began to water.

"No! Desiree this isn't your fault!" I barked at her and I saw her take a step back from me. I noticed that her demeanor changed and she shrunk back. I immediately felt guilty for yelling at her. "Des?" I reached out to touch her but she only pulled away from my hand. "Des, our relationship just needed a break. There is a lot going on and we all just need a breather to adjust," I spoke as softly as possible and she nodded her head. She stood around awkwardly until she excused herself to go back inside the house. I attempted to walk in with her but once she noticed I was on her tail, she dashed for her room. I let out a groan and my mom looked at me with concern.

"What's the matter?" she asked. Nero read my body language and grabbed my mom's hand, "c'mon momma, let's give them some time to breathe." I thanked him mentally as he dragged my mom into her room so that I could be left alone. I wanted to go knock on Desiree's door but decided against it, she would talk to me when she was ready.

I tore off my kutte and hung it up by the door. Then I unbuttoned my plaid shift and slipped off my shoes until all I had on was a plain white tee shirt and my jeans. I decided to sleep on the couch in the occurrence that Desiree would get out of her room so that I would be able to talk to her. I wasn't at all tired and my thoughts on today didn't aid my lack of sleep. I just stared at the ceiling as a blanket hang over me loosely.

Later in the night, a light showed through the window and I realized that they were headlights. I was curious as to who it was since it was well into the night and my mom wasn't expecting anyone. I popped up from the couch and grabbed my gun off the table and held it behind my back just in case it was an unwanted visitor. I opened the front door as quietly as possible and walked out to meet whoever it was that was outside. I didn't recognize the car at first and my defense grew as I ran up to the driver's side. The window rolled down to reveal Wendy with her hands raised.

I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath as I put my gun away, "what are you doing here Wendy?"

"Not trying to get shot, that's for sure," she scoffed as she put her hands back down. "I'm here for Desiree, she called ME."

"Why would she call you?"

"That's not something I have to share with you, Jax. This isn't a custody issue, this is a grown woman who is asking for my assistance."

"Well, your assistance won't be necessary. You can leave."

Wendy turned off her ignition and crossed her arms over her chest, "not until Desiree tells me herself. I know how much you love being everyone's mouthpiece, but I'm not going anywhere no matter what you say."

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration and made my way inside the house. Desiree was in the living room trying to drag out what little she owned in two duffel bags. "Why did you call Wendy?!" in my anger I had no disregard for how loud I was being. Desiree looked at me with a startled expression on her face but made no attempts to answer my question. Instead, she made a pathetic attempt to walk past me and out the door. I held her in place and I could see tears escaping her eyes. My face softened and I could feel my anger fizzling out, "Des, baby, it's not your fault! I promise, just listen to me for once."

She didn't bother trying to look up at me, so I dropped to my knees in front of her so that she could look down at me. Her bruised eye had streaks of blood and her bruised cheek had a light layer of a white ointment on it. I could feel her legs trying to move forward but she was weak and I could tell that she was on the verge of crying. I removed the duffel bags from her arms and let them fall to the ground with a thud.

As if on cue, Wendy barged into the house to find us in the living room. She completely ignored the site and made eye contact with Desiree, "are you okay? Do you still need me?" Desiree looked down at me apologetically and looked up to nod at Wendy. Wendy immediately started to grab Desiree's bags and make her way out the door with them. My mom and Nero made their way out of her room to see what all the commotion was about.

"Desiree, Jax what's going on out here?" Desiree couldn't even answer my mother as she stepped around me to place a kiss on her cheek. She pulled away from her despite my mother's protests and promised her that she would be safe. Nero did his best to console my mom and respect Desiree's wishes, "let her go mama, she's got to go where she feels comfortable."

I followed Desiree outside like a lost puppy as she went to join Wendy in the car. I pulled her back by her hand and she bumped into me with the action. I held her face gently and I could feel the creamy texture of her ointment hit my palm. I crashed my lips into hers and hoped to God that she would kiss me back. Her lips moved with mine as the intensity of the kiss sent a burning sensation throughout my body.

When we finally pulled away from each other, everything was completely still. "I love you, Desiree, I never stopped loving you." She gave a sad smile and held my hand in hers, "I know and that's why I have to leave. It would be so unfair of me to do this to you, to change the course of your life as much as I already have. You deserve to move on from me Jax, you have to let me go." She dropped my hand as she went to join Wendy in the car, while I stood outside and watched the car pull off. The feeling I felt in my heart was like she was being taken away all over again, forcing me to rebuild everything in her ruins. But only this time, I didn't have to rebuild anything, I only had to return to the life that I created in her absence.