Memory Lane

Chapter 7. Starting From Scratch

Desiree

I haven't slept much since I have been staying with Gemma. It was as if every time I tried to close my eyes, the walls would whisper in my ears. Relaying old conversations, laughter, and memories of how things used to be. I didn't tell Gemma because I knew she would correlate my feelings to how I felt about her. And it wasn't her fault that she symbolized a life I loved but being with her wasn't helping me move on. If anything, being with her was pulling me back. And the problem was, as much as I loved the club and my family, there wasn't a specific person to be pulled back to. My relationship with Jax was over, and I had to start from scratch to build myself from the ashes.

I looked in the mirror and took a good look at myself. I had rummaged in an old box of clothes Gemma was going to donate for something presentable. I was supposed to be meeting with a lawyer to go over my action suit against my death. She was going to be explaining to me what was legally still mine and if there was anything to be recovered. She was also going to give me my documents so that I could start my life back up.

I wasn't really concerned about the situation, because prior to my disappearance I didn't have much. I was probably putting away a hundred dollars at best, and the rest was being used to run the house. Jax made money from the club but it was inconsistent. He would make a lot and then they'd go through a dry spell, or he would go to jail. If anything, the club would circulate money around to keep everyone afloat, It's how we survived back then.

"Desiree?" I heard a knock on the door and Gemma poked her head through. She gave the oversized suit a once over before she said something, "are you sure you don't want to go shopping first?"

I chuckled, "I'm fine, I don't want you spending any more money on me."

Gemma scoffed, "honey, I know, but think of it as a welcome home gift."

"I think you making all my favorite food for the past couple of nights is enough. Now c'mon, I want to get this over with." She begrudgingly agreed and went to go grab her things. My lawyer's office was a few miles away, so I wanted to make sure that I got there on time.

I was anxious to finally get my hands on my documentation because I wanted to work. I wanted to make my own money, buy my own things, and eventually move out of Gemma's house. As much as I appreciated her hospitality, I needed to clip my wings and fast.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go in there with you?" Gemma asked as I hopped out of her car. I closed the door and rested my hands on the open window, "no, that's okay, I'll just call someone to come get me."

She looked nervous and I could tell she wasn't comfortable with leaving me alone. "Gem, I'll be okay, I promise." She gave a heavy sigh and blew me a kiss before she departed. I watched her leave before I made my way inside of my lawyer's office. It was a tiny building, like everything else in Charming, and the woman at the desk was a redhead who was chewing on gum. She immediately stopped chewing when she saw me and a red hue came to her cheeks, "good afternoon, how may I help you?"

"Hi, I'm here to see Miss Lowen," the redhead nodded her head vigorously and ran down the hall without another word. I stood there awkwardly until she finally came back. "Sorry about that, Lowen will see you right away Mrs. Teller."

I cringed when she said the last name, but I didn't correct her as she led me down the hallway. Lowen was waiting for me at her desk and welcomed me inside her office. "Good afternoon Mrs. Teller, is there anything I can get you before we get started?

I shook my head, "no, that's alright we can go ahead and proceed."

"Okay, straight to the point, I like it," she smiled at me warmly as she brought out my files. "Okay, this is for you," she handed me a yellow envelope, "it's just all your personal documents, you will have to go down to the DMV to have them reissue you a license." She continued to place papers in front of me, "now, typically these things take some time to hash out, but Patterson had them expedite these documents to you."

"Oh, that was nice of her," I looked in the envelope as I saw certificates, IDs, and my old licenses. "Now, as for your assets, prior to your death there wasn't a huge settlement. Your husband paid those expenses in cash since he was having a hard time with your insurance. They did reach a settlement with him for about 5 grand, did you want to petition for that?"

I scrunched up my face, "no, that's okay."

She smiled sympathetically, "I'm sorry, this must be so strange for you, and here I am just listing these out."

"No, it's fine really, I would prefer you continue."

She nodded her head, "okay, now I did fetch those hospital documents for the day of your disappearance, and you did suffer a miscarriage with your pregnancy."

I remained silent as she handed me the paperwork. I read the words "placental abruption" and immediately knew that my child was affected by the accident. My eyes continued to roam the paper until my eyes landed on the gender. I could feel my throat get tight when I saw that I was going to have a boy or would've had a boy.

I looked back up at Lowen who was doing her best not to look at me. I held back tears as I slipped the papers inside of the envelope for safekeeping. "Is there anything else I should know?"

"Um, as for your marriage, because you were technically "dead." The state of California recognized your husband as a widow, and therefore his new marriage is valid. Your reappearance does not reinstate your marriage to him."

"Oh," I couldn't look up to meet her eyes because I was too focused on my breathing. It was like I could feel my own heart crushing into a million pieces, and I truly felt alone. I wasn't naïve enough to think that Jax would have paused his whole life to wait for me, but it was a different type of hurt to hear things like this. Life had given me a second chance but had robbed me of everything that made that chance worth it.

"Are you alright Mrs. Teller?"

"Um," I tried to process my thoughts, "yes I'm fine, and you can call me Ms. Huxley."

"Right, my apologies," she corrected herself. Huxley was my maiden name; I hadn't used it for so long that it felt foreign.

"Are we done here?" I said getting up from my seat. I was starting to feel warm and uncomfortable and I was just about done with this meeting. "Yeah, you're free to go, you can contact me if you have any further questions," Lowen called after me but I was already halfway through the hallway. I finally took a calming breath after I was outside of the building.

Once I got outside, the sun was still sitting high in the sky. I had no intention of returning to Gemma's house just yet because I wanted to sit with my reality for a bit. Not only was I freshly "divorced" but I was broke, childless, and I had nothing to call my own. I was thirty-three years old and I didn't have my life together. Granted, I did just get my life back, I just felt like everyone had moved ahead and I was left behind.

I was walking the streets of Charming, looking at windows and shops. I was trying to find a job, a good job, something that would bring money into my hands. There weren't a lot of signs for hire, so when I saw one that was written in glitter and had cute little caricatures on it, I jumped at the chance. It was a daycare that was filled with bright colors and fun drawings.

The woman at the counter was dressed in a pink polo with Khaki pants. She wore a big smile on her face when she saw me, "hi, welcome to Charming Horizon's Daycare, my name is Bethany. What can I do for you today?" she gave off the impression that she was really excited.

"Hi, I saw your help wanted sign..."

"Oh yes," she reached behind her for an application, "we are hiring right now. The position is for a childcare worker, you will need to be certified in infant/child CPR and there are training courses available through our orientation."

"Oh, great where are they held?" I asked scanning the paperwork. I was beyond excited to apply, I loved working with children.

"They are held at St. Thomas, so whenever you apply just return your paperwork back to me or one of the other ladies, and we can start your employment process."

I nodded my head and took a seat in one of the open chairs in the lobby. I immediately started to fill out my information, hoping that this job would change everything.