Sunflower Reviews

Mila - When The Leaves Change

Reviewer: Mila_333

Review: When The Leaves Change

Client: CalBrookes

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Title

The title makes perfect sense. The way you kept the description about the seasonal change going and the feels it added to the story was touching. The connection made between the leaves and the lives of the individuals was nice

Cover

The cover is really artistic and refined. It suits the story very well and the mini art designs are so cute. It certainly exudes the aura of a teenage band. The little writings were also on point. Nonetheless, the way you wrote your name down fails to make it obvious that it's your Author name. Some might think it's something written in relation to the story. Hence, I suggest you increase the font size a little bit to stress on it and you may even add a little line 'Written by:' and then you write 'Cal Brookes' next line.

Blurb

The blurb is well written, corresponding to the plot and includes all the necessary details that need to be provided. The way you phrased your ideas also makes the reader interested to read the book.

Grammar

I noticed a few grammatical mistakes including the absence of the present perfect tense when it was needed, some typos, lack of punctuation marks more specifically comma, and the revision of certain sentence fragments. Nevertheless, the grammar issues are very minor and they will be corrected with not much difficulty. You can simply copy paste your work on Microsoft Word and automatically detect the mistakes. And for those mistakes which cannot be automatically detected, simply proofreading will be sufficient.

Plot

The plot started off very nice. You succeeded in keeping the reader interested at all times. I loved the way you introduced the characters while advancing the plot in parallel. It's a nice technique implemented and I was able to have a glimpse into the life of the characters. This technique ensures a balance of the screen time provided to the characters, they also assure the distinct voices of the characters. However, I personally felt too little information was provided in Noah's chapter. All the things that happened in his chapter, we were already aware of them. There were no more aspects revealed about him. For instance, in comparison to Noah's chapter, you evinced part of Max and Liam's relationship, you portrayed Jackson's stubbornness to get the others on the contest, you made us knowledgeable of Ash's financial situation and lastly you even hinted at Liam's illness (if I guessed correctly). However, nothing new as such was provided for Noah apart from the things we already knew about him through the other characters' chapters. I suggest you enlighten us more and include more details in that particular chapter. I personally preferred Ash's section over the rest since whenever you would write about him, it would feel so real. It might have to do with the vulnerability of his situation. The descriptions were on point, again especially for Ash's chapter.

The pacing of the plot was also quite good. It was neither too fast nor too slow. Maybe just maybe there was a little bit of repetition noted when Jackson wouldn't understand why the others were not interested. It seemed crystal clear that the others were unsure about the contest. However, even after they agreed to do it, they were still not fully into it and at that point, as a reader, I would have preferred Jackson to know about the real reason. This is only a frustration I felt as a reader, but I do understand that this veil on Jackson's eyes can't be lifted yet as it would then go against the structure of the plot.

Moreover, there was the scene when Ash wasn't okay to participate because he deemed it better to perform a job to aid himself financially than to spend his time in practice. He had a fair point honestly especially considering the current situation he was in. Even Noah showed reluctance in that same scene. However, Ash later agreed. Some deeper clarification is needed to show how he changed his decision. He simply agreed when he got to know the others were into it. This seemed a little bit like a plot-hole. But it's nothing that can't be rectified.

Furthermore, since this story revolves around a band, it would be much recommended to have a description of one of their practices. I know they haven't been practicing seriously during the first chapters but I would have preferred to at least read a piece of their practice. If you intended on doing that later on then it's totally fine, however, if you didn't think of anything as such for the later chapters, then I suggest you add more details when they practiced in chapter eight or maybe consider adding this section later on.

Character

Firstly, Jackson should learn not to force things, he should start letting go. He should try to see further when he doesn't understand certain things. His behavior is very normal for his age but his character needs growth which will come with time. He should learn to go with the flow.

As for Ashton, he's a lot better than what he thinks he is. I need him to start working on himself to get some self confidence and faith that one day it will all be okay. I think he grew faster than he should have been, but that's how life is for certain people and it's inevitable. He should nurture positive energies and work hard to remove himself from his current situation.

Noah's situation is really difficult, for he isn't sure right now how to deal with his parents, however, he should be able to take a stand for himself and try different approaches to see how he can work things out for him. If his parents are really inconsiderate, he should stand up for himself and make out a way to become independent.

For the three above characters I've talked about, they all want something specific to achieve in their life and one prominent way to do that is to stay in the band. Jackson doesn't have much problem; rather he's passionate about the band and believes in himself to succeed. Ashton can use the opportunities he can get while being in the band and pave the way to a good life. Noah can use the band to achieve independence. They have one thing in common and they can use this specific opportunity to achieve the same goal. Same could be said for Max and he would certainly achieve something too. As for Liam, his condition needs to be made clearer so I can provide a judgment.

The characters who need real growth apart from the main characters are the five leads' parents. They are all dysfunctional in their own kind of way. Maybe Jackson's parents are a bit better. However, they should know that there's nothing wrong with keeping a social life or to keep something as your hobby, it doesn't matter if you're an adult or a teenager. Age's just a number in this case. I think Jackson's mom should understand this and she should make sure they have the required balance in their life. It doesn't mean when you're 'adulting', you stop living, right?  However, as for what the mother feels about Liam is understandable considering whatever situation he's in currently.

Noah's parents should show more care and understanding towards their son. They shouldn't be taking him for granted and I hope they realize the mistake they're making later on.

As for Ash's father, I would really want to see him to at least try sobriety. I want to see his effort, but at the end of the day, Ash needs to have patience and to work hard. I felt really sorry for him and I definitely want him to take a different path compared to his father's.

Writing style

The writing style is neat, crisp, descriptive, and clean. It's easy to read, simple and it allows readers to visualize the scenes without any issues. You were also able to create a different voice for each of the characters and using the technique to have each of the characters' POV really helped with that.

Reader's enjoyment

I enjoyed reading the book. It's the kind of story you would want to read during the weekend and it definitely has a certain vibe, making it fun and interesting. I will definitely continue my read and will check out the second book as the prequel is completed.