Sunflower Reviews

Mila - CLOUD 9INE

Reviewer: Mila_333

Review: CLOUD 9INE

Client: spinel243

🌻

Title
The title fits the plot really well and it can be termed as an interesting title. It also fits the genre of the story and it is quite unique. I like the wording and how you add the number 9, it's nice!

Cover
I find the cover cute and bright. It does connect to your plot, especially with the way you portrayed the fictional world of cloud nine. It also has a cartoonish and fun vibe to it, exactly depicting how the plot's going to be.

Blurb
The blurb is way too short. It is definitely not eye-catching and will not really lure readers to start reading the book. It does not hold that compelling vibe. Moreover, too little information is provided in a very brisk manner. I suggest you provide more lines to impart the same ideas you currently gave out.

Plot
You've had some nice description of the fictional world a.k.a cloud nine. The supernatural happenings in the story were very interesting. The ideas themselves were enticing. They are mainly what kept the story going. I also really liked the transformation of Evelyn in the French restaurant. The fact that you created this supernatural world is enjoyable enough. However, you really need to work a lot on the description of romantic moments, for instance, from the beginning to the end, the only description of the female protagonist's expression when she would be with the male protagonist was that she would blush. This is totally not at all recommended to repeat the same things again and again, as it becomes boring for the readers. A more extensive description is definitely needed at all costs. This may not be a romance book but there needs to be at least some effects that the couple exudes to readers.

I also noticed the story lacks a smooth flow. Some scenes seemed too abrupt; it just felt like you're dumping information via conversations. There is a lack of explanation/description within the plot itself. Most often, I was required to read between the lines to get the story. It was not difficult to understand what was happening, but again, I had to read between the lines and that isn't something the reader should do often throughout his/her read.

Grammar
I did come across some grammatical issues throughout the review. For example, at some places there were punctuation marks missing, especially in dialogues. I noticed most incorrect punctuations/ lack in punctuations would be spotted in direct speeches. Moreover you need to choose the verb tense you're going to use in the story. If, for example, you've chosen past tense, you should stick to that only and not mix up with other tenses such as present tense, except when required. I also noticed some repetitive words throughout my read. Obviously, repetition is bound to occur when you're writing. However, it should not get noticed by readers. If it does, you need to expand your vocabulary level and proofread so you know where you can improvise. Lastly, I sometimes came across some sentences which were a bit unclear. Again here as well, proofreading will do the job. If you want to go to a greater length to upgrade your grammar, you can use friendly apps, for instance, Grammarly.

Writing style
Even though you had some descriptions included in the story, it still feels lacking and I guess it has to do with your writing style. Having a more advanced writing style will make the story top-notch. However, a lot of work is needed to reach that stage. For instance, you can try to do some extensive reading in your particular genre. I would suggest accumulating your bundle of vocabularies that will be useful to enhance your writing style. If you become successful in doing just that, the quality of your story itself will improve and your narration will be more impactful to readers.

Character development
One of the major problems that I noticed with the characters is that there is some sort of this balance with the allocation of screen time among them. For example, you would expect to see the female protagonist and then the male protagonist more than the other characters. However, here it was quite the contrary. When you read the blurb and when the story starts you know that Ferra is the female protagonist, and you expect to see things happening with her, around her and most importantly the story should be about her. Instead, the focus was more on Evelyn. It was as if the spotlight shifted to her and remained on her throughout the story. At one point it was like the story was all about Evelyn. This can be damaging to the plot when the main character suddenly becomes the side character and vice versa. Coming to the male protagonist, there was too little of his appearances in the story. It did not feel like he was a main character at all, again even Evelyn had more screen time than him. Even when he would be there, it would be like he's not even there at all because his interactions are so limited.

Reader's enjoyment
What can keep a reader going with this book is wanting to know what would happen next. I do agree that at some point I was on edge knowing to know about the next part. However, if you want the book to achieve great heights, I suggest you correct the plot holes and focus on all the things I mentioned above as you do have a very creative imagination.