Sunflower Reviews

Raaina - Bright Eyes

Reviewer: 08_Umm_Waraqah

Review: Bright Eyes

Client: _lazarein

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Before I begin, lemme apologize. I missed my deadline by several days. And I'm really sorry for keeping you waiting. Menstrual cramps came to visit after my first apology and that's why I let you down again.

COVER & TITLE: 4/5

I like your cover. I'm not sure everyone else will, though. It's too simple, a tad too simple. While there's really nothing wrong with a simplistic cover, at least if it's done well and by a professional, in your case, I don't think it works. I suggest you get a better cover and soon, too.

Okay, so I just took another look at your cover, and now I think it's fine.

I don't know what to say about your title, really. This is probably because I'm currently in a flat effect phase regarding titles. So when I say your title doesn't stir up anything within me, you may or may not take it with a grain of salt. I suggest you seek the opinion of other reviewers, or your readers, regarding the title. Or you can experiment with a new title and see how it affects your reads or thereabouts.

SYNOPSIS: 3.5/5

A synopsis and a blurb are two different things entirely. To appease the obsessive compulsive in me, however, we'll leave that subheading as it is.

Your blurb is good... but could be better. You begin with one of the most common opening lines on Wattpad, which has greatly affected the uniqueness of your blurb. Not to talk of the fact that we are not in any way familiar with the names and places mentioned in that first line. So there's nothing about it to hook a reader. If you could change that first sentence, find a really intriguing one-liner (If you are a fan of those) or a more enthralling way to introduce... is it Riverdale? (See, I've forgotten the place already), that'll be good.

Save that, there are one or two words that I believe could be done away with. With the suggestion I made above in mind, I'll try to reconstruct your blurb (God help me!).

Like every other high school, the students of Ravenwood Academy know nothing beyond the world of their teenage lives. A world of classes to pass, social reputations to live up to, and dirty little secrets to keep.

But when some dangerous, strange men (strange dangerous men could be correct; I'm confused right now) drag a handful of Ravenwood kids into a world they never knew to exist, paths cross, and the kids find themselves together in an otherworldly chaos they can't (because 'can never' sounds heavy on my tongue) escape. Driven by a purpose unknown yet sinister, someone is determined to hunt them down.

And the only man they can trust is a man called Mr. Brighteyes, who knows them more than they know themselves.

And there you have it. I think that's much better, don't you? If you don't, it's fine. If you do, you're welcome to use it. You'll note I didn't do much than cut out a few words and find a new way to incorporate Ravenwood (ah ah!) into the blurb. The town the school is situated in doesn't really concern us; many readers will probably forget it by the time they click on read (and I'm sure they will; you've got an impressive premise).

FIRST CHAPTER.—Amidst. 14/17.5

The first thing that caught my eye is the really long second paragraph. Do you know books with paragraphs as long as that are most always badly written (my experience on Wattpad) and if I'd been reading for leisure, I'd have turned back immediately. It's really long (and my font size is set to the tiniest ever). It's a bad idea to have such a lengthy paragraph so early onto the first chapter. If you're a paragraph-that-goes-on-and-on person, it's fine and dandy. But you can have that from your second chapter upwards when readers must have become too invested in your story to run.